Why can't i die?

[neverlived]

On new Year's Eve while driving on a busy highway i was hit by a hit-n-run tractor trailer. Yet again i did not die but i am left to deal with the consequences. Terrified to drive, nightmares, pain. Too many times i should have died and haven't and i just can't get it all through my head. i need to die i'm just tired of living through hell all the time and just waiting for the next thing to happen. Nothing good ever does. So why is it that i can't die. Suicide only amounts to an attempt but i will have to try anyway. i just can't take it any more.

 

[marthijn1987]

Hi neverlived, :smile:

How do you feel today?

I can understand, how you feel, for me nothing works either. It's so weird, some people are so lucky.

But why do we Live? No one knows!

marthijn

 

[TLA]

I ask myself the same exact question. I come to an answer-it is not my time yet. But that does not stop me from trying to get out of this cruel, cold world.
Take comfort in others that also feel your pain.
maybe in the next 6 months something great will happen to you.
If you were gone, it would happen to another person.
sending Love and hug,
TLA

 

[Convergence]

I'm glad your were alright.

Just hang in there, try to do something. Take it one step at a time. I will gladly talk anytime you need to vent or need someone to talk to.

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi Neverlived...I am so sorry about your accident...a year ago, I too was hit by a car in a hit and run...left on the side of the road, injured and so frightened...I have begun to climb back (not too fast as I can only walk 3 blocks at a time which are 3 blocks more than 4 months ago) and I am trying to put aside the rage that someone would do this...I guess sometimes in life crap happens...please let us know how you are doing...big hugs, Jackie

 

[neverlived]

Sadeyes,
i would but this is not my first accident. The first one happened in 10/04 when someone pulled out in front of me and blocked my lane. i haven't recovered from that yet. Now the nightmares are so bad i can't sleep at all.
Then there are all the other times. i enjoyed driving. i enjoyed being able to get in my car and get away from the ppl that were bothering me. Now i am terrified to even look at my car. Right now though problems mount because it is a probability that i may lose my house. So much so screwed up in my head i just can't bear it any more. This just goes on and on but i left my will to go on somewhere else.
neverlived

 

[Sadeyes]

It seems that you were not even allowed to recover from one accident before the other...I am so sorry...let me know if I can be there for you...big hugs, Jackie

 

[TLA]

Suicide only amounts to an attempt but i will have to try anyway. i just can't take it any more.

What can't you take anymore?? Not judging you, just curious...i cannot take it either, so I was wondering what pulled you down? Was it others or feeling powerless? It would help for ppl to purge their feelings. I make 3 attemtps on Christmas. I am ready to succeed now. I love life, but I hate Bi-Polar and the effects. I cannot deal with all this shit. We do care for each other !!
TLA

 

[neverlived]

TLA,
What i can't take anymore is my life. My whole life has been one thing after another.You would have to go to my posts to understand. i just can't talk about any of it anymore. i'm finished trying to fix what was destroyed long ago.
neverlived

 

[Sadeyes]

Originally Posted by Sadeyes
Suicide only amounts to an attempt but i will have to try anyway. i just can't take it any more.

Just as a point of information...I do not remember ever posting this...in fact, I am further from this position than I have ever been in my life...I do understand these feelings, as I have clearly been there in the past, but today, I am climbing out of the dark abyss and starting to live life for the first time since I was three...I felt I had to clarify this...Jackie

 

[Sadeyes]

Neverlived...please try to take on smaller pieces so that everything does not seem so overwhelming...also, please PM me if you want to just listen (or talk when you feel like)...you are so very cared for here, and have been there for so many ppl...please let us be there for you...fondly, Jackie

 

[neverlived]

Jackie,
The part about suicide only amounting to an attempt was posted by me in the original post not you. i am sorry for the confusion. Thanks for the replies though. The way things go for me i feel it's time to stop leaving myself open for these attacks to keep coming at me, to stop trying to go on. i'm tired of being slammed to the ground every time i try to get up. my therapist once asked me why i keep getting back up. my answer at the time was that i didn't know and i still don't know why i did, i just know i can't get up any more. i love all you guys here, you have all been my heart for what seems like a long time. But i hurt so badly, my pain is so deep i can't continue on in this way.
neverlived

 

[Can]

On new Year's Eve while driving on a busy highway i was hit by a hit-n-run tractor trailer. Yet again i did not die but i am left to deal with the consequences. Terrified to drive, nightmares, pain. Too many times i should have died and haven't and i just can't get it all through my head. i need to die i'm just tired of living through hell all the time and just waiting for the next thing to happen. Nothing good ever does. So why is it that i can't die. Suicide only amounts to an attempt but i will have to try anyway. i just can't take it any more.

I have tried many times and I have lived through many natural events that makes me believe that it is not possible for me to die. I am very sane and so what I am about to suggest I do not want anybody to declare me insane. I have noticed a few things after each attempt to make me believe that just maybe I did die but then entered a world exactly like the one I left only I am in worst shape. It is hard to explain so that people understand what I am trying say. What if when we try to commit suicide we succeed and are sent to hell which is just like the life we came from, everybody we knew is still there but our life starts getting harder, your luck changes to bad. The bad thing is that the reason we committed suicide was because something in our life was too hard to handle and now the same condition still exists but now we have it worst. So we try again and again in our perception we didn't succeed but life gets much worst. The problem we had before seems like child's play compared to what we are handling now. Let me tell you a few of my attempts and you be the judge as to whether I should still be a live.
<Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I have had a few natural events like going down a really steep hill on a four wheeler and my wife running into me from behind sending me into a front roll and did three summer salts down the hill. I was wearing a helmet but each time the machine came down on my head I thought that was it, it wasn't, I only had a really torn up shoulder and back which I still have the scars from. A cement truck rolled down into a basement fully loaded missing me by a millisecond after looking directly up and seeing it tip as the bank gave way and I took off running after being told by a voice I heard to look out that nobody on the job site said because the truck went so fast there wasn't anytime to warn. I have more so I have only one thing more to say. I can't die unless there different degrees to hell and I am in it.