Why can't I do it...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by busenbust, Aug 25, 2009.

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  1. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    Kill myself. Took an overdose of OTC pills three wks ago and it did not work: threw it all up several hrs later. I will try throwing myself into a river I think...and knowing my stupid and miserable luck I will probably float!! I've had enough of this now...:lone:
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Can you talk about what's wrong, or why you want to kill yourself?
  3. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I'm happy you're still with us, are you in therapy? Have you considered that as an option? I think it would benefit you. :hug:
  4. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    ^^Thanks both. How would I go about getting therapy?? I am not classified as insane or mental. My GP would laugh at me...I really wish the overdose had worked...I really do! I now have to consider other options....
  5. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Maybe write a letter with all you want to say and bring it to a GP session. Say about trying to overdose and all.
    They're supposed to take things like this very seriously.
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I don't know of any GP who would laugh about it. It may not be wise to tell them you've taken pills and attempted already. Unsure about that, but you could tell him/her that you are extrememly depressed and ask for a reference to a therapist. If you have healthcare, most plans cover several visits. If not, you could try a state-run program which costs very little or nothing depending on whether or not you are working. Most states still have them.
  7. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    Thanks both...I just wish the overdose had worked...Now I am back to square one...I am thinking of the best/ideal way, but there is no ideal way (that I realize after much investigation)...I am thinking jumping into a river...not full-proof either... :killmeagain:
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Instead of being so focused on ways to die, maybe you can try to put some of that energy into ways of helping yourself feel better?

    If you truly feel like your GP would laugh at you, then you need to find a new one. You don't need to be classified as "insane or mental" in order to get help. You should be able to approach your GP and let him or her know that you're feeling depressed and would like to seek some help.
  9. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    Thanks again WC. No, he would not laugh, it was a flippant and silly response I made. Energy?? I am fast running out of energy although mentally and physically I am quite strong. I would have constructively used that energy otherwise, as you suggested, but things are going from bad to worse...other people ('family'!!) are making this happen and there is nothing I can do about it...Downward spiral...and I really do wish the OD had worked.
    Thanks again WC.
  10. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Screw the other people.

    We are talking about you. This is your life. And you want it to end, because of other people. Screw that.

    I want you to do me a favor.

    Please read the post I that is in my siggy. Do it and take the words to heart.

    Your mind is playing games with you and you atm are not able to think things thru clearly.

    trust me, I know. lol
  11. jackfoo123

    jackfoo123 Member

    When I was serving the national service, I was admitted to a "care centre" due to some mental disorder. The doctor asked me whether I attempted suicide before and I accidentally said yes. Intead of asking me the reasons, he said I might be imprisoned for up to 2 years if I was reported to the judicial. So it is not always true that doctor are always so caring.
  12. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    Thanks for those kind and astute words. I will read your sig link asap. :cold:
  13. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    OK, I have read it and thank you for your kind words. BUT they have stolen my monies, my property, everything...I still think suicide is the best way out of this mess IMO...I really do wish the OD had worked previous.
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    How have they been able to steal so much from you? There has to be a way you can keep them from taking anything else from you.
  15. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    And so they stole that stuff.

    It's just stuff. Work to get it back. Day by day, little by little. there are social services out there, there must be.

    And you know...I decided once that I would rather be homeless than dead.

    At least I would still be alive to fight on.

  16. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    They changed the locks/alarm code of my property (I am co-owner with my 'brother' and his girlfriend); I have been living subsequently in b/b accommodation (one room with shower) at huge expense for 10 months; 6 wks ago my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer (she is absolutely fine now as it was contained immediately) and she asked me to come back home for support (which I gladly gave as a loving son).

    Because they had barred me from my property, I held onto some substantial monies as leverage (because 'brother' and his girlfriend have the property as their leverage position). When my mum asked me back home, I felt sorry for my mum (Dad had paid for some building work like a downstairs shower and new kitchen so my mum would be more comfortable) and stupidly (because I have compassion) I gave half the monies back to my corrupt 'brother' and his girlfriend. My thinking was - and my Dad said this to me on my arrival back - 'Life is too short' etc - and that brother/girlfriend would invite me back into what is, after all, also my property.

    How bloody stupid am I people/What a chump/What a fall-guy. Subsequent, I left my mum's house (as she is now recovered) and went back into b/b accommodation (huge expense for which I have nothing to show). I am an Idiot!! I should never have returned half the monies....and I now have no leverage, and will never see my property ever again! Hence: I want my Life to End (hence previous attempted suicide 5/6 wks ago). Back to square one. What an Idiot! What a Fool!
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not an idiot, or a fool. Sounds like you're a good person who has been taken advantage of.

    You can't change the past, but you can prevent it from happening again. Don't let them rob you of your life. You're worth so much more than that!
  18. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    Thank you again WC for your kind words. Yes, I like to think of myself as a good and decent person. Which is why, when my mum asked me to come back as she needed support, I immediately came back to her home and thought things might/could be different from here on in...How wrong was I??!!
  19. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    My friend,

    You want to end your life, because of money and property? right?

    In other words stuff.

    I am currently in my 2nd chapter 13 bankrupcty of my life (where you pay back the debt) and in November, I will be coverting that to a chapter 7 bankrupcty (where they wipe the slate clean). That will be the 3rd one in my life.

    I have very little money. I work 2 jobs. My wife works 2 jobs. We are in our mid 40's with piss poor credit, in a market that is tumbling and we no prospects EVER of owning our own home, EVER.

    But we get by.

    Life isn't about stuff.

    You still have your life. You still have the ability to work and earn an income. So start over.

    Fuck it. It is your life we are talking about, right.

    Be a man, stand up and start over.

    You can get it back. So it will take awhile and hard work. And maybe you may never get there. But at least when you finally do die as an old man, you can look God in the face and tell Him you went down fighting.

    You didnt give in.

    Don't give in to the demons of depression and despair and all that goes with it.

    And...I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU GO AND SEE A PDOC ASAP. You will learn new tools on how to deal with life on life's terms.

    Time to start living, JUST FOR YOU!!!!

    Take good care, my brother!
  20. busenbust

    busenbust Well-Known Member

    Thank you, you're an absolute Gentleman. I will consider your really useful advice....it's just that things are going from bad to worse....if I saw any signs improvement, I would have taken that as a cue to keep on living...but in fact things in my life are getting worse...That is the truth; that is the problem. :despair:
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