Why Can't I Do It?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I sit here at 1:23 in the morning, feeling nothing be negativity. My future I only seem misery, loneliness, and worst of all sexlessness. I look around my apartment. I can name off all the ways I could off myself. I look in the kitchen and see my cooking knives. I could draw a nice hot bath and stab myself and slowly let the life bleed out of me. I could grab the keys to my van. Open and close the garage door, start-up the van and just go to sleep. I could take the climbing rope, I bought for the explicit purpose of killing myself, and actually use it for its fucking purpose. I could take all the diet supplements that I have right now and see what happens. I could put the toaster in my bathtub with me. I could wander out into the middle of the highway that is only a couple of miles away. There is so much I could do to end it.

    Yet here I sit writing this at 1:27 in the morning. Why because I am a pathetic weakling. I am only talk, I sit here and talk about how much I want to die. I guess I don't want to die. After all if I wanted to die I would be dead. No I am one of these people who just want to scream that they want to die. Right now I see no hope, I see blackness. I see myself staying at this dead-end job. I see myself cuddling with my hug pillow I see myself having to stop using the internet so I can avoid seeing hot females. There is not hope for me. Yet here I am I am alive and will remain alive. I will remain alive and well. Because I am pathetic. I need to die... why can't I die... maybe I should just buy that gun... I don't know... I don't care. I suck... there is no two ways about it...
  2. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    You said it yourself, you do not want to die. You just want things to change. It might take a huge effort for it to happens, but the first step is to ackowledge that it is truly what you want. And staying off the erotic sites is a good idea if you want to start dating again. The women you see on the internet will spoil your perception on how a woman should look like and behave.
  3. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    *GRABS YOU BY THE HAIR* Get over here you chicken shit!
    You want your life to improve? PM me!!
    I have a variety of ways to help you, but only if you're willing to listen, take the time and help yourself.
    Now PM ME!
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Wow.. I listed like 5 methods to kill myself and none of them have been sensored.

    Anime has been spoiling my perception of females since I started watching it.
  5. 41021

    41021 Banned Member


    please don't hurt you, please?

    I really care a lot about you. Sorry i've not been around :sad:

    Hold on, okay? Find some way to hold on...and please don't go buy one please?
    ...too easy to cross that line.

  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Tis ok... I have been rather silent as well. I am not really hurting myself. I just make sure to work myself out a lot harder when I am in these moods.
  7. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    kk, hugs for you fellow :hug:

    If you need to talk, I think you have my email addy, if not drop me a p.m. and i'll get it to you...I'm a bit on the fragile side myself at the moment, but I can be there for you, listen, the best i can.


    I care about you :hug:
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah I am pretty sure I have your email. To be honest I do not really know what is on my mind either. :i'm sorry: I hope you become less fragile soon.
  9. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I've been in that space before :sad:
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    WellI guess I know what is on my mind... I am just ashamed of it is all...
  11. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how you feel about that. Less than a week ago I had the exact same thoughts, same feelings, same ideas, everything. I ended up not taking actions since I didn't have enough time. A few days have passed since then and the feelings have died down a little, so my only advice is to maybe ride it out for a bit until it starts to get a little bit better. You said you work yourself harder when you feel like this, and keeping busy is a good way to distract your mind a lot of the time. Hang in there.

    Also, there's no reason to be ashamed of cuddling a hug pillow.. I've gone back to snuggling with a teddy bear at night cause I'm afraid of being alone now, so there's nothing wrong with a pillow.
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :lol!: I have always slept with stuffed animals. I still have a mickey doll I sleep with every night I have had him all my life :p.

    Yeah keep busy... too bad my mind is too active for its own good.
  13. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    i am in the same place as you...
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear that... I wish only I was in this place.