All I think about is ending myself. I've had these thought most of my life. I dont know what i'm doing on an online forum, just being pathetic i guess. Why cant I just get over all this like everybody else? Something goes bad, I fail at something, I mess up, all I can think of is doing something bad to myself. I try to be kind, I try not to do hurt anyone that hasent deserved it. Yet everything I do causes bad luck or mishaps to everything around me. If I could just do it then they would be so better off. Yes they will be sad for a little while but soon my wife will find someone better for her. A better father for my two kids. Then there lives would be better off. Without someone that mopes around and brings everybody down. Again I dont know why I'm writing all this down, but maybe i'll gain the courage to do it someday.