Why can't I fix my dad?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by anarulesmenow, Oct 22, 2012.

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  1. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Hey. So tonight I was meant to be meeting my dad after lectures after not seeing him for a couple of months and he came to meet me and he was completely drunk, slurring words and everything. And he was so drunk that I had to say 'I can't come out with you tonight while you're this drunk'. And then he got really upset and kept saying he missed me outside the uni and I felt so bad, but I couldn't go out with him like that. I rang my mum, she told me it wasn't my fault but I feel like it is. And he gave me £50 and he really can't afford to but I took it. He's had a slight drinking problem for years but not this bad before and his dad died in January and he's still grieving. I know how tough it is for him and I don't know how to help him. I think he went to get the bus back to my grandma's where he was staying but there are pubs along the way and I know he will go into them. My mum actually rang my grandma and my grandma hung up on my mum because she doesn't believe he has a problem and he does. I know he needs to be the one to ask for help but I don't know what to do, and I just felt so bad leaving him there but I didn't know what to do. And now I'm drinking and I don't get into the states he does, but I fear that in the future I will do. I know he can't help being an alcoholic, I'm not trying to blame him for that but it's hard coping with it too. I told him I'd see him tomorrow in town when he had sobered up and hopefully I will, I will keep that promise and I will give him the money back. I just hope he's ok.
     
  2. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    It's one of those things I want to talk to a friend about but I don't know how. I don't mean to sound nasty but it's embarrassing in a way.
     
  3. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    Wow, your father is really lucky to have you in his life. I think that maybe he realizes that which is why he gave you the money even if his budget is somewhat tight - it's his way of showing you that he loves you because it may be difficult to show it otherwise. I also understand why you want to return it and that just tells me that you and your dad may have a rocky relationship brought about by their drinking, but you two really love one another. That same love is what brought him out to see you even in his condition and it's why you spared him from any liabilities that could have come from going out like that. I know it's tough but it's obvious you and your father love one another so I really hope talking to him and telling him how you feel will make things better.

    * By the way, NONE of this is your fault! And I honestly believe that you won't end up in the position he's in if you remember how you feel about it and use that as motivation to not follow the same path. Also, maybe telling your dad that losing him would hurt you the way losing his father hurt him will inspire the same empathy of sorts - maybe he will realize he doesn't want to hurt you that way.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2012
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