Why can't I fix this?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kmj221, Apr 4, 2011.

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  1. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    I'm in so much pain and agony, and I can't do it anymore. It has been at peak for the last four years. I've done the research and there are no other options as far as treatment goes. I've tried it all, I even have the doctors and case manager not know what else to do. It's just a hopeless case and that makes me so sad. I feel like I'm just burdening anyone who I try and figure this out with. I don't want to be the person that comes here for support but, doesn't want to take advice from others. I feel like when I say, "I've tried that" people think that I'm just not being corroperative. I'm not trying to be,I'm just trying to have people understand my full situation, so it can be handled correctly, without repeating over and over again the same treatment. I know I'm done with living this life and it saddens me so much that nothing else can be done. I have a few more things on my list before I finally put things to rest. What do you do when you do believe you want the help but, there are no answers? I can't continue like I am, I just can't. I think a hopeless feeling is nothing like being actually hopeless. Why can't I fix this? kmj221 :blub::blub::blub:
     
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Take a step back and breath.

    You've made it this far, think about that for a while.

    If you keep going over in your mind that you have to fix it all, without realizing the good things you have managed to do - to make it this far - you may keep going into a negative tailspin.

    You are trying the best you can it seems, give yourself a break.

    I am sorry you are feeling so hopeless.

    Take care.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I like what Monan just said look at what you have accomplished you are still here still fighting okay. tke time to just breath get out and do something kind for just you okay step away abit now hugs
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sometimes the most banal things can bring the start of the journey back...the day before my planned last one 6 yrs ago, I was walking in a park and noticed a leaf, yes, a leaf...seemingly nothing special...that leaf stayed with me and the night I was going to take the bus, so to say, the night I joined SF, I continued to think about the complexity and beauty of that leaf...will never know why I chose that, and still, today, I remember what it looked like...the caring of others here on SF and a leaf gave me enough relief to question if I want to 'leave' (lol) that night/morning was my plan was to go at midnight...keep looking for what is rightfully yours and know that if you are saddened by not finding the solution, you are not ready to 'leave'...J
     
  5. Tnarg

    Tnarg New Member

    I wish I knew something to say that would be of help.

    I wonder, would you be willing to share what you have on your list of things you still want to do?
     
  6. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    MoAnamCara- Thank you for your kind words. It just doesn't matter what I've done if the end result is no better than where you've started. But, thank you. kmj221

    total eclipse- Thank you- look above for my response. kmj221

    Sadeyes- Thank you. I do know that if there was some miracle that could fix my situation, I'd probably want to live. There's not, and I can not put myself through this any longer knowing there is no solution. But, thank you. kmj221
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2011
  7. ELLIEANDMONKEY

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    Have you tried electric shock therapy? That is often a last resort many miss.
     
  8. FeralDescent

    FeralDescent Member

    In ways I know what you're going through.

    I can't offer any real help, but I can relate... and how I wish there were answers too, my god. Something. Anything. It's hard.

    I'm just sorry there are other people with so much agony too.
     
  9. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    Tnarg-The list I have left to do is not a list of treatments. It's just things I need to get done, like finish going through paperwork. Thanks
    ELLIIEANDMONKEY-Yes I have done ECT 3times with 6 sessions each time. It did help for a short period of time with the first two times. The third time was in January and it was not effective, so the doctor says I am no longer a candidate. Thanks
    FeralDescent-Thank you for you empathy, which in my beliefs is the most important attribute. Thanks
     
  10. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    There is always a solution. Finding it is hard for some people because they have to admit that everything they have done doesn't work, and then they would have to be willing to try something new. These two things are hard for people who are not ready for the change they desire. Blessings...
     
  11. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    Daphna-- I'm sorry you are incorrect. Again, I have done the treatments and have researched even more treatments. I know that everything has not worked and I am not in denial. Thank you for your opinion.
     
  12. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Treatments aren't working for you am I right? I would look for other ways of healing. That is what you need. A lot of people suffer because they do not deal with their issues. They would rather drown them out with anything that makes them numb, but the truth of the matter is that when you face your issues you can finally resolve them. It can be scary and many people don't want to do it because they feel like they are alone, but we are never alone.
    In order to fix anything you would have to be completely honest with yourself, and you would have to forgive. Forgivness is the key to all healing, and I have found that forgivness has to start with forgiving yourself before you can forgive others. We are all imperfect human beings running around acting as though we know what is going on, but once we admit that we don't and seek enlightenment then we can be given the answers we seek, and the healing we need. You will never find a pill or doctor that will fix all your problems or make them go away. But you can find the help you need in healing inside and out spiritually and physically, but its going to require effort, and an open mind.Blessings..
     
  13. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Until you do this; you have not done everything.
     
  14. FeralDescent

    FeralDescent Member

    Not to intrude but, well... yes, actually... to intrude.

    Daphna,

    how does one learn to forgive themselves as well as others? how? minds vary so much... they do not all harbor the same potential, the same capabilities, the same functions. Things are processed in different ways.

    And while beliefs are not always true, how does one assemble truth, when they're already so torn up? everything in disarray, emotions mangled and severed at all sides... or just dead.

    it is easy to tell someone to open themselves and seek self-awareness etc. how do they take that journey? it's a little different for everyone, and often times, people need to be guided.

    often times, there aren't people who can guide.

    sometimes a guide, need just be love.

    not everyone can feel love, even if it's there.

    I guess I'm just curious, because I do think people look at themselves, in themselves, are open to things... are willing to strive towards improvement, and still, are unable to grasp it. I certainly cannot, and I've been seeking to for... my, quite some time. I don't know about all healing starting with forgiveness, though I can say I personally have issues with it. Regardless... they remain issues, despite any of my efforts heh. How does one battle hopelessness... hopelessness that's warranted --- with substance?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 5, 2011
  15. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    FeralDescent-- Thank You for understanding!!! kmj221
     
  16. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    Thank you
     
  17. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am very upset when the 'victim' is blamed...it seems when we are questioning our path, there is always a voice that says, 'we are not good enough', 'we have not done enough'...I think healing is done from a more self- loving place...a place of grace and understanding, and this can take moments or a lifetime to achieve...please know K that what you are exploring is a very difficult journey, one which has us question so many times whether we are permanently broken...I have struggled with this so many times...once I went to a Pdoc and told him I was suicidal and he kicked me out of his office telling me he was not going to lose his license because of me...we I so unworthy that someone would throw me out like garbage??? NO! this was his problem, his breach of morality and ethics...this took me a long while to sort out...know that questioning whether we can be 'fixed' comes from the message within and the message 'providers' deliver to us...trust your own voice and try to marshall what it takes to find someone worthy of you working with him/her...big hugs and all the best, J
     
  18. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am very upset when the 'victim' is blamed...it seems when we are questioning our path, there is always a voice that says, 'we are not good enough', 'we have not done enough'...I think healing is done from a more self- loving place...a place of grace and understanding, and this can take moments or a lifetime to achieve...please know K that what you are exploring is a very difficult journey, one which has us question so many times whether we are permanently broken...I have struggled with this so many times...once I went to a Pdoc and told him I was suicidal and he kicked me out of his office telling me he was not going to lose his license because of me...was I so unworthy that someone would throw me out like garbage??? NO! this was his problem, his breach of morality and ethics...this took me a long while to sort out...know that questioning whether we can be 'fixed' comes from the message within and the message 'providers' deliver to us...trust your own voice and try to marshall what it takes to find someone worthy of you working with him/her...big hugs and all the best, J
     
  19. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    Sadeyes- Thank you for your kind words and direction advice, I appreciate it. kmj221
     
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