Why cant I get a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hache, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I've had an active social life for a while now, as a student, meeting people at partys and nights out. But I cant get a girl. Confidence isn't a problem because I have alcohol in me.

    I'm beginning to think I am ugly due to the lack of attention. Maybe I am boring.

    I'm starting to worry because if you cant get a girl through college and university what chance do you have when you're working 9-5 and dont have time for a life. I feel like my student days are being wasted away because I cant get a girl when everyone else can.

    Not being able to get these things in the life I have here makes me just want to get up and leave, I dont know where. It is bringing out all the old depression feelings.

    Maybe I just need to accept I will never be with anyone, someone get the need for love out of my head.
     
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Maybe you should look at how you act around women, and people in general. Do you act confident, fun, interesting etc? Do you offer something that others don't? Do you act like yourself, or like the stereotypical student?

    Do you stand out from the crowd?

    ^Questions for your sober self, as well as your alcohol-induced self.

    I wouldn't feel so bad about not getting a girlfriend at college if I were you, because I'd assume that everyone is trying to get with everyone, so your chances are slimmer because of everyone elses efforts. I'm looking for work atm, so are many other people, and I don't have a job because of it. Either I don't stand out, or I'm not the best choice for the job. (DISCLAIMER: I'm not comparing getting a girlfriend to getting a job, it's just a parallel)

    Also, you gotta remember that women get hit on by men all the time, sometimes every day, and many times at a party. If you approach a girl and use the standard 'tactics', she will probably shut her ears to it. If you cut all that out and just talk to her casually, she will notice that you aren't trying to get her into bed. You should be able to tell if she is interested in getting to know you, and if she is, ask her out (casually).

    Basically,
    If you be noticeable, women will notice you.
    If you act differently from the rest, women will notice you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2010
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I can say from what I've heard/talked about, seen first hand that the relationships being made at parties at university are superficial; not all I'm not saying all but finding a loving relationship can be more substantial when you're not anxiously looking for it/needing to declare it as many can be, especially when a student socialising. It's not the be all/end all, although when you're deep in it at the moment, it might appear that way. There is life outside of university and work- ways of meeting people too.
     
  4. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Probably true. Just the people I know/hang out with either have good relationships or are able to get with people whenever they want. I've got neither/nothing.

    I'm a loser really and I know they think of me that way because I have no one and am never seen with anyone, that is the way i've heard them mock a couple of other people who arnt in our friendship group.

    It is probably my personality. I didn't think there was that anything wrong with it compared to everyone else though. I'm not special and neither are they really. :mellow:

    One of the problems is I want a girlfriend so i'm wasting time waiting for the perfect moment to happen.

    There was this one girl I got close to but she said she didn't want a relationship, just casual. But I know from other female friends who have been like that that if someone worth it comes along they keep them.

    I've tried changing the way I dress, the way I look etc. I'm not sure what is left to do but accept it wont happen.
     
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    That does not make you a loser! And if anyone saw you that way, are they worth being around? Once you move away from them, you might see yourself in a different light and find someone who likes you.

    BTW; I was the same way for a while and did not think of myself as a loser :tongue:
     
  6. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Sorry Hache, I wasn't trying to imply that there was something wrong with you personally. If someone else had started a thread like this I would have said the same thing to them, because those are the things that they would need to look at if they were interested in getting a girlfriend.

    I am tempted to suggest not worrying about it so much, but I know that can be like telling you to run a marathon. If you are constantly thinking about getting a girlfriend though, don't let it show because girls can see that a mile away. Show that you'd like to get a girlfriend, or that you are interested in the girl you are talking to, but you can do just fine without one.

    And girls will be dating you, not your clothes or your appearance. Wear what you want to wear, look how you want to look, be yourself. Girls like that.

    Above all, have patience and be positive. You will get a girlfriend.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2010
  7. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hache, as a girl I would suggest that parties and clubs are not the best places to speak to/hit on girls, especially if you are after a loving, lasting relationship. If a guy approaches me at a party or on a night out, I will always assume he's after one thing and one thing only, and I'm usually right. Occasionally someone will prove me wrong, but generally it's an agreed fact that we won't meet the kind of guy who's worth dating at a club. (For the record, if my boyfriend had approached me on a night out, I would have sent him packing!)

    So, you say you're a student - seminars and study groups might be the key. Get to know the girls, as friends and as people rather than seeing them as girls. Ignore where it might be going, and be a friend, showing that you're not just after sex. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your personality, so let them get to know you as you are, and things tend to naturally take their course. You will also feel more confident around them, especially if you can stop worrying about it. You are not a loser, and there's nothing wrong with you.

    Mim
     
  8. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I think that a lack of confidence in one's self is one of the main reasons any guy might have a problem in finding a girlfriend. I think women can pick up on that and it has been my experience, including info. from this site, that women like someone with confidence in themselves.
     
  9. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    They still love me and want me to have a girlfriend though.

    It is hard for me to know where to draw the line between showing interest and being too keen.

    I need a girl who wants me more than I want her, at least in the things she does.

    I agree with that in most circumstances in life. But in my student life all my friends met their partners when drunk.

    Also two people on my course have liked me, one was the one who didn't want a relationship, the connection came about when drunk, we just had a common ground to build from because of the course and werent total strangers. If it was a stranger it would be weird, but at partys they often know some of your friends.

    I'm not sure if I'm not confident or not, or if it is just inexperience:unsure:
     
  10. discordia

    discordia New Member

    Hache..Hi I've been there my only suggestion is stop trying (i know that sounds odd) but when i gave up and did just what i wanted and forgot about looking i found the perfect other half oddly enough ..... sadly that was few years ago and is now dearly departed (hence how i stumbled across this place) but was great while it lasted ... Good luck
     
  11. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    Maybe you want a girl too much? In my experience it's when you're not looking that they come along.