Why Can't I Go Thru With It?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Ok so....I now have made 2 (what I call serious attempts). Each time I wimped out and sought help.

    There have prolly been 3-5 other times, when I didnt wimp out, but those attempts were lame, and all they ended doing was giving me a good nights sleep.

    I guess I understand that not going thru with the serious ones prolly means I am just asking for help, yet......as much as I try, I can not get my mind off the thought that I would rather end it, than live.

    This past weekend as I delivered pizza's alone with my thoughts in my car, I tried everything I could think of to alleviate those thoughts. Listened to the radio,, smoked a lot of cigarettes. Thought about how to get past a certain level in a Playstation 2 video game I am working on.

    Yet.....always my mind comes back to wanting this all to just end.

    I think I am literally loosing my mind. What in the hell is wrong with me?
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    FPS it's not you,it's clearly you are not well or feeling well at all that's what it is I constantly ask myself the same question.It all makes sense to how you're feeling because you can't be expected to want to get into something if you don't feel right,if you would like a hand with anything I'm free to be with you anytime you need 24/7 ok let me help please.
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ..i hope you don't end it hun. you need to focus . a lot. on your kids. they deserve to grow up having a daddy. i am not trying to ''guilt you''' . . i have kids and i am nearly on the brink myself. so i am not preaching here. . it is straight talk - between two parents. we can't do it. for them, for them we cannot.

    there are probably a thousand other reasons, why dying, is not the answer. but today - i just tell you the one that you can't ignore. your kids are damaged irreparably , forever, if you do this (and being kids, they are naturally ego-centric in development. which means of course, they will blame themSELVES and feel guilty))

    i have two little faces, and each day- no matter how bad it gets and today is the worst i have faced in 45 years...so far.....and i see those little faces. and no matter how bad i want to just give up (((and i do!))) i CAN'T.

    so you can't either. hold on. pm, talk to me. talk to anyone you connect with here. keep reaching out.
    i know what you feel. i am in it. i won't give up on you hun xxxxxx
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks guys! I will pm as needed. I am feeling a bit better today.
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