Ok so....I now have made 2 (what I call serious attempts). Each time I wimped out and sought help. There have prolly been 3-5 other times, when I didnt wimp out, but those attempts were lame, and all they ended doing was giving me a good nights sleep. I guess I understand that not going thru with the serious ones prolly means I am just asking for help, yet......as much as I try, I can not get my mind off the thought that I would rather end it, than live. This past weekend as I delivered pizza's alone with my thoughts in my car, I tried everything I could think of to alleviate those thoughts. Listened to the radio,, smoked a lot of cigarettes. Thought about how to get past a certain level in a Playstation 2 video game I am working on. Yet.....always my mind comes back to wanting this all to just end. I think I am literally loosing my mind. What in the hell is wrong with me?