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Why can't I have a "father"?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Sarah, Feb 28, 2014.

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  1. Sarah

    Sarah SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    About 10 months ago I lost everything. I lost my job, my home, my pets etc. I had to move back in with my parents. I do everything I possibly can to please them. I work two jobs at almost minimum wage plus overtime. There are times when I have worked 3 days straight with sleep. I normally work 20 hour days. Yet I still can't afford my own place to live. I only sleep 4 hours a day!!!. On my very rare days off I'm asked why I'm asleep or why I'm not finding something to work at. I've told them almost every day that I do everything I can to find a way ahead. From trying to find a better job to doing all this overtime so I can pay bills off. I do this in between phone calls at my overnight job. I've been accused of hiding things from then because I wouldn't tell them every dollar I spend so I even gave them access to my checking account after almost a year of the harrassment. Now I'm asked about every little transaction. Apparently I'm not supposed to get extra hungry during a 3 day work shift or buy extra food during all my overtime so I can stay functional. I'm supposed to bring everything from home but if I need more I'm not supposed to get it. Apparently when on my rare days off I do rest that means I do nothing ever to get ahead.my step dad who Is the one I have counted as a father communicates to me that even though I do everything I can I'm worthless his constant demeaning and humiliating attitude towards me makes me think it would be better to be homeless and live in my car. I don't really care how cold it is anymore. I already feel bad enough I need a father to encourage me not make me feel worse. He calls it tough love but he just doesn't understand you can go to far. Sometimes your kids need you to encourage them not basically tell them no matter what they do they will always be worthless. I don't believe him anymore. I thought I really had a father. I don't :(
  2. Cat of Spades

    Cat of Spades Well-Known Member

    It seems like you are making enough money to afford a cheap apartment at least, you would be free. It would not be glamorous or fancy, but you could survive without the hassle you are currently experiencing.

    On the other hand, if you insist on staying with your family, you will have to talk to them so they cut it out or conversely, just ignore their tomfoolery and go on with your life.
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Sarah, I am sorry your stepdad is like this. And you are VERY correct to not believe him. He is very incorrect about you. what he is saying is twisted. you work harder than anyone ever should have to work. You deserve much more rest than you get. I can hear that you are a good person. You deserve better living condition than you have.

    I hear you when you say you want a father who is supportive. I am so sorry you do not have that. Because you deserve that. Everyone does. I will tell you that what he says about you is NOT a reflection of who you are. Not at all.

    I will hope that you can somehow find a job with better pay so you do not have to work crazy hours. I will hope that you can find a place to live with people who are not outright demeaning to you. No human being deserves to be demeaned.

    In my state they have home sharing. People can apply to live with someone who needs a bit of care in exchange for living there. Perhaps you could call united way and ask if there is something like that in your state, if it feels right to you. If you could find some kind of living arrangement like that then perhaps you could leave one of your jobs because you would not have to pay rent. And by the way, no one should ask for access to your bank account. I understand though that in order to keep the peace you do what you have to do. of course you do.

    Sighs. I am so sorry this is happening. Do you think that calling united way to ask what programs they might have might be a good idea? Usuially they can be reached by calling 211. oh I feel horrible for what is happening to you. Just terrible. :hug:
  4. Sarah

    Sarah SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I can't yet. My income is so low I qualify for assistance but there is no govt funding so I'm on a waiting list. The overtime isn't guaranteed even its available now it wont always be. The amount available now is unusual. I've been told not to count on it. Without it I only have the ability to pay phone bill student loan and maybe rent but not electric, heat or water. And also have past due hospital bills and. 22 year old falling apart car. Using all my overtime money to pay off bills and get a car that can possibly pass inspection. So that I can at least pay rent and phone bill don't care about electricity if I have to live without it I will. But have to be able to live even if overtime isn't available :(. And would like to do it without going on any kind of assistance. Can't get it anyway tho even tho I do qualify. I'm on a waiting list
  5. Sarah

    Sarah SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Thanks guys. I know I've been gone for a long time but ill always have sf to come back to. You guys have always meant the world to me. Thank you for your support it means allot. Just needed some encourage from someone.
  6. Sarah

    Sarah SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm going to try what you said flower thanks anything would be better
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am REALLY hoping you will find something better. You deserve that. Hopefully there is a good person out there who can afford her home but needs a good housemate who can help out a bit in exchange for housing. Waving my imaginary wand.
  8. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I wish I had one ounce of your work ethic!!!:)
  9. Sarah

    Sarah SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    It's better to be at work than to be at home :(. Makes the work ethic much easier to accomplish :(
  10. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well, I admire you. And I think that I would be a lot better off--happy, even--if I were more like you. :D
  11. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Is there anyone else you can stay with? Anyone at all? It sounds as though your present situation is toxic and possibly even preventing you from progressing. At a time like this you need support and encouragement, not 'tough love'.

    Is it possible that he doesn't realise how his behaviour is affecting you? Often we are so good at hiding our emotions that people don't realise the effect their words have. Perhaps you could speak to him and explain exactly what it is you need from him. You are trying so hard, and you just need him to realise that.

    I'm really sorry things have fallen apart. You are so strong though, to be coping with this, even a little bit. I really hope things improve soon.
  12. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Wow. You are going through almost exactly what I have gone through with my step dad. Was or is your step dad a military man? How about his dad?
    My best advice to you is to open up to him the way you have to us. I truly believe he cares, but he doesn't know how to show it. My step dad was raised in a way that the boys get tough love and so they think that it's the only way to love. Your words can melt his heart and believe it or not it is because he does love you that he acts this way. It's messed up for sure, and backwards. I agree. But true nontheless. I would explain that you want his help when he is encouraging. Hugs heal. Ask him what he would do for food if he is in your situation. Maybe this will explain his train of thought and perhaps his advice will make sense.
    Also if you follow his advice he can't complain! :)
    My heart goes out to you. I don't know your situation with you biological dad, but I have had the same feelings and thoughts as you on many occasions.
    It grieves me to hear of your recent trials of losing everything. You can make it out of this. Pm me if your want.
    You have my thoughts and prayers. Blessings..
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