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Why cant I just die

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Why the hell am I still here!!! I'm so afraid to hurt the people who care about me by commiting suicide, but i'm so afraid to make it look like an accident because the only methods I can think of involve extreme pain. Why can't I just fade away like millions do everyday. Just die! I've prayed for so long. What kind of god would allow this life to continue!! Im just another expendable person. tommorow thousands more will be born. take my soul!! give it to someone who will know what to do with it!!! take it!! fuck!!!! FUCK YOU GOD!!!! FUCK YOU TO HELL!! HOW DARE YOU PUT ME HERE!!!! HOW DARE YOU THROW ME HERE WITHOUT WARNING!! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME IN THIS MIND AND NOT ANSWER MY CRIES!!!! WHY'D YOU DO THIS TO ME!!! WHY WHY!!!! WHY WHY
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