I am a complete mess. I hate myself. I want to die, I simply cannot face it all any more. I am a drunk (so are the rest of my family) My husband left because I used to hit him, I was so insanely jeleous all the time I even locked him in the flat for a week once so he couldn't talk to anyone else. I am so ashamed about this. Antipsychotics mean that I have put on four dress sizes and cannot stop eating - I am disgusting. I am in debt because I couldn't bring myself to sell my married house for nearly two years afetr he had gone. I am patheticly crap at my job, I just feel such a fraud, they will realise soon how useless I really am. I feel very alone. I have slowly seperated myself from all my friends and they have got sick of my up and down behaviour. My family live at the opposite end of the country and are useless; they all have mental health issues too so I have told them nothing its not worth the hassle. No-one really knows whats going on; that I had nine months off work last year and that I have tried to kill myself a few times. I have no one to talk to. I take antipsychotics, lithium and anti depressants and they don't see to have done anything. My Psych says that I have BPD but that it is untreatable. I have tried therapy and counselling and DBT but I didn't get them. I don't see any other way of getting better. I just really want to take all the pills that are lined up around my bedside table.