why can't I just die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jpfendler, Dec 28, 2008.

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  1. jpfendler

    jpfendler Member

    Hi, I just came home from the hosp. after taking a bunch of pills. I was told that if I had taken one or two more I wouldn't be here. I was kept there for a 72 hr. hold, then They still kept me a few more days. I had to sign a suicide contract I said and did what they wanted so I can go home. I still want to die, my family could care a less. They just went on like nothing happened. so what the use of being here. I'm already dead inside so lets just finish it. All I want is for my mom to tell me she loves me, but instead she says nothing. If anyone has read my other posts you might understand why I feel the way I do. there is nothing left to this game called life. I lost they one. Thats just how it is.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am sorry you are not getting love or support from your family. That's probably the reason a lot of us are here.
    I haven't felt love from my family very much either. They are starting to come along and see there's a problem but it took a long time.

    Any friends you can reach out to? Do you feel better having spoken about what happened here?
    I hope you are ok :hug:
  3. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Believe me when i say that you are most definitely absolutely not alone when it comes to family problems! From what i've seen here most people at sf have the same problems, including me :(
    While in most cases the family is not to blame for the family individuals problems, they do add to them.
    There is no shortage of people here who can empathise with you so please, dont be too proud 2 ask for help :) doubt anyone would refuse.
    You are important to us, we want to help you if we can :hug:
    I want to help you if i can :)
    Take care and be safe,
    Lea :hug:
  4. stinkymouse

    stinkymouse Well-Known Member

    Reading your post,i certainly can relate to what you are saying...when i took my OD i was in a coma for 18 hours,and have felt dead inside since i was a kid at school..i know if i had more support from my family i would cope much better....but there you are,some people have it easy,others like me have had it bad,mental and physical abuse(beatings) all my life have made me the way i am now,with no relationship or worse hope left...
    I hope for you things improve,we all deserve happiness and good times,something ive been hoping for all my life!!
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello jp,
    I know the feeling of wanting it to be over. I personally don't want anything from my family. I don't need there thoughts, and I don't need there help. I have been on my own since I was seventeen and learned not to depend on them. Just here in the last couple of years they have been trying to be nice to me. Where were they when I was homeless living on the streets, panhandling just so I would get enough change to buy a hamburger.
    When I die I don't want no sympathy from them just let the state creamate me and throw me in the ocean where the fishes can have something to eat. When my time comes it will be me and the great spirit. More than likely I will be sent back as someone or something else to learn the lesson I haven't learned in this lifetime.
    jp, i wish you the best and hope your family steps up and comforts you!!You are a good person so don't be so rough on yourself!!Take Care!!~Joseph~
  6. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    ...my curiousity gets the best of me. This post is inappropriate, and I apologize in advance...

    But a suicide contract? That is, you agree not to kill yourself? To start, what are they going to do? Sue you for breach of contract after you commit suicide? Second, if they DID sue you for breach of contract, it would be immediately obvious that you were under duress when you signed it!

    And they call us crazy.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Most people when they give their word about something, will do what is necessary to keep it. The contract is an act of good faith. They are trusting you to keep your word and giving you the control to do so. I hope your family realizes the extent to which you are working to stay alive and will decide to support you in your struggle. You have made new friends here that will offer you support and do care about you, no matter what your struggles are. Take care and stay safe. :cuddle2:
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Giving your word and being forced to sign a contract with a stranger are entirely different things. A contract is a legal document; a promise is a promise. You owe nothing to a stranger just because of a piece of paper.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I was asked to sign their contracts and they are in no way like a legal document. It was a piece of paper that stated I would promise not to harm myself. And if I give my word or make a promise to a stranger, it is every bit as important as doing the same to someone I know.
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