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Why can't I just grow up

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Rice, Oct 2, 2010.

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  1. Rice

    Rice Member

    I left college last year because I felt I wasn't ready yet to give it my all. I should be getting a job but I have really bad social anxiety, I've never had a job in my life, I'm terrified of getting one because I'm afraid of being around people. And I'm in my freakin 20s, this is just ridiculous.

    I live with my parents and I'm pretty much a freeloader. They're total saints and they know my issues and they're trying to wean me off of my dependence on them, they give me the "job" of cleaning out my bedroom so I can do things in it besides sleep in the bed. And I can't even work on that for more than a couple hours a day, and that's on a good day. I'm afraid of responsibility. It's like I want to be an 8 year old on summer vacation forever.

    Sometimes my parents ask me what I'd do if they were to die, or when I object to something and they say "if you don't like it you don't have to live here", it just makes me panicky. Because I can't imagine my life without them there to hold me by the hand and do fucking everything for me because I'm just so lazy and irresponsible. I know what I would do without them, I would commit suicide. Whenever they bring up me moving out I feel like my life is in the balance.

    I'm just frustrated that it seems like all my peers have no problems becoming adults, taking care of bills and paperwork and jobs and buying cars and making appointments. All the other teenagers couldn't wait to get into a car, but it took 4 years of hand holding and convincing and support for my parents to get me to get my license when I was 20. I run into a different room if someone comes to our door, at parties all I want to do is find someplace to hide and get away from everyone else. I have no friends, my parents are the only people I have. I just feel like a total failure at everything important. Why can't I become a responsible, independent adult like everyone else?

    Sorry for the wall of text...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps you need to get help then. Get a therapist to help you with your anxiety get on some medication to it does work. Take little steps to create you independance okay YOu have to start now okay call your regular doctor even and get on medication see if parents can get you therapy Don't let it go to long okay just wasted years if you do that get help now to change It can be done.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with violet....get some help for your social anxiety....take one step at a time..

    "the man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones"
  4. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I've been having similar issues to you with social anxiety (and panic disorder) and having trouble "growing up." I'm 23 years old, on psych leave from school, and unemployed. I used to be higher functioning, but its getting worse and worse as I get older.

    My therapist always tells me that I need to accept myself where I am now, and then take small steps towards reclaiming my life. My parents keep tellign me I need to go back to grad school and do my thesis, or go get an engineering job somewhere.. but my therapist and I both know those are not realistic. Instead we're working on understanding what my current fears are and working on small tasks - like going into a shop and asking a question, trying to get a babysitting job, answering the phone at home..

    I'd definitely recommend getting a therapist to help guide you - your parents seem really helpful (like mine!) and maybe would help you find a therapist if that is too overwhelming for you. Next, nonjudgmentally, accept where you are now. I'm sure you have strengths - enjoy those! But you also have certain fears, and perhaps outlining specific challenges (for ex - making a phone call) will help to better understand where you are at. Bring this list to your therapist. The therapist will help you make small, achievable steps to help you get your life back.

    good luck! Anxiety sucks. It takes a lot of work, but its beatable
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