i've been trying really hard to just let it all slide. I kind of want to know why she said what she said so the awkwardness will stop but i have a feeling that it wont and i will be left feeling just as awkward as i do now. it might just make things worse and i really don't want that. its hard to feel comfortable around a person who wouldn't care if you really did off yourself. i've also tried talking to this person but it makes so many random feelings come up that i really don't like. i don't like hurting myself but i find myself doing it so often when i think about her and what she said. in some ways i wish she had never said it but then we would be living lies, rather than just me. i think things may be able to improve but at the minute i just don't have the patience to wait for it to. its created a rift in the group that i really don't want to be there because it isn't fair on our other friends. i wish i could say that i don't care but i often find myself crying when i think about it. i feel angry because of the things she never told me but really upset that i let it get that way. i know there is no quick fix and i'm not sure its worth waiting anymore.