Why can't I just let it go?

i've been trying really hard to just let it all slide. I kind of want to know why she said what she said so the awkwardness will stop but i have a feeling that it wont and i will be left feeling just as awkward as i do now. it might just make things worse and i really don't want that. its hard to feel comfortable around a person who wouldn't care if you really did off yourself.

i've also tried talking to this person but it makes so many random feelings come up that i really don't like. i don't like hurting myself but i find myself doing it so often when i think about her and what she said. in some ways i wish she had never said it but then we would be living lies, rather than just me. i think things may be able to improve but at the minute i just don't have the patience to wait for it to. its created a rift in the group that i really don't want to be there because it isn't fair on our other friends.

i wish i could say that i don't care but i often find myself crying when i think about it. i feel angry because of the things she never told me but really upset that i let it get that way.

i know there is no quick fix and i'm not sure its worth waiting anymore.

 

How long has it been since she said what she said?

 

about 3 weeks

 

This is a fresh pain and it's still keenly felt. If you can't speak to her, can you write her a letter?

 

i've been talking to her on msn but still can't bring myself to say some of the things i need to

 

Perhaps writing to her offline, where you can write and re-write until you feel comfortable sending to her. :hug:

 

i did actually write her a letter but it was straight after when i still had tears streaming and it didn't go well. i ended up burning it and vowing that we couldn't be friends anymore. i have tried but maybe just saying it will get it out of the way. the thing is i felt like she went behind my back when she posted it on here and thats why i don;t want to write a letter

 

Wow, I don't blame you for being hesitant to write if she posts what you write. She may have her own problems that are getting in her way.

Perhaps writing then, tearing them up will help you so you won't have your feelings and thoughts going round and round in your mind making you more upset?

Sometimes, all we can do on a given day is take care of ourselves.

:hug:

 

i think i wrote that awkwardly she posted how she feels about me on here not what i said to her. it still upset me though.

i understand that she has been through a lot and i have been selfish but it was hurtful having her say she really wouldn't care if i killed myself.

 

That is very hurtful. What was her state of mind when she said that? Was she feeling worthless and pushing others away? I know that I've pushed others away in many different ways.

 

i don't really know, she seemed fine when i talked to her earlier that evening but then when i read it i realised that i am a horrible person at times.

she has a lot going for her and she knows this