Why can't I just not exist?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InnerStrength, Sep 11, 2009.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I had an appointment with my shrink yesterday (still haven't gone to sleep yet). I went home feeling a little better about myself afterwards, then the hopelessness caught up with me. My shrink said to me "you don't know how intelligent you are" but I feel like I am the stupidest human being alive. I can't make any correct decisions to save my soul. I ruminate on all the poor decisions I have made in the past. The only memories I have are that of a barren life. My youth is gone. No merry memories sustain me.

    When I was a kid, I had this delusion that life was a dream. I really wish I would just "wake up."
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Innerstrength,

    When I was a kid I had that delusion too....
    Then when you grow up and realise it's real and how hard life is, it really knocks you down hard. But, you can ease the pain, it sounds like you have a pretty good therapist, try and believe what she is telling you because I am sure it is true. :) :hug:
  3. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hey im sorry you feek so down on yourself :hug: it must bring a lot of emotions and thoughts to the surface after talking through things with a shrink... but hold onto that thought of feeling a bit better about yourself. given time those thoughts may last longer and longer... remember your decisions in the past are in the past... the decisions that you can change and be positive about are those of the future.

    big hug :hug:
  4. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Hey there IrishDoll, thanks for the reply. Actually my therapist is a "he." He is pretty supportive of me, for some reason.

    You had that delusion as a kid too huh? Seems pretty common, except it actually made me suicidal at that age.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your therapist will help you out of this cloud of depression it takes time even when you feel you are not improving you are Trust your therapist he will get you feeling better abt yourself. take care
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Good, glad you have him there for you :) Feel free to message me anytime if you need to talk!
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