Why can't I plan logically?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hellwithhugewounds, Dec 31, 2008.

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  1. hellwithhugewounds

    hellwithhugewounds Well-Known Member

    Every time I plan a suicide, and the time actually comes, I always chicken out, because the building is just too high, the ground just looks too far away. Every muscle in my body tells me to move back. This has happened to me twice. I wasn't trying to commit suicide then, but only seeing what it would be like for when the time comes. But even after these 2 times I still can't take my natural fears into account when planning how to be successful, as if they don't exist. Even after I chicken out, 30 mins afterwards, when I reflect on what I just tried to do, I would tell myself my fear wouldn't get in the way next time. Yet I'm sure it will. I'm sure it will next time. I don't know how i'll get around it. I see it more as an obstacle now than a safety mechanism. I hope alcohol will make me get dizzy...
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Hellwithhugewounds,

    I know exactly how you feel. I have been in the same situation countless times. Fortunately I no longer feel suicide.

    Anyway, I think you should put your motivation towards getting better. We will help you get through this difficult time :hug:
     
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Hello hellwithhugewounds
    I must say that the self preservation thing is very strong, it much stronger then any pain
    you ever felt in your life. It evolved over millions of years while your depression
    only only old as far as you got it.
    But you should look at it possivetly, you can harm yourself which is good.
    Sure i know you are in pain, i know how it feels, but it not 24\7 sort of pain right?
    Have you tryed to treat it? with meds maybe? and dont tell me yes becouse
    i bet there are pills you didnt tryed, keep fighting, you can win!
    You just have to beliave!
     
  4. ChillCash

    ChillCash Active Member

    Maybe because deep down there is still an ounce of hope you could get better in the future.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    If you go thru with your plan of jumping you have bigger cajones than I do. You get me above two stories and it scares the hell out of me. Why don't you focus that pent up energy into some positive thinking. You are young and there is so much you haven't experienced. Life is full of surprises. I am at the age that I have seen pretty much everything I want to. About the only thing I haven't seen that I would like to is the Grand Canyon. I would like to ride the horses to the bottom and camp out there over night.
    In my life I have been to France, Germany, Phillipines, Okinawa, and mexico several times to Mexico. Back in my day it was still pretty safe to hitch hike. So when my parents kicked me out of the house I hitchhiked around the country for a while and then that got old so I joined the Marine Corps. They made me grow up in a hurry. The day of graduation was the proudest day of my life because I made it. I was a Marine!! I screwed up my feet marching because they make you pound your heels when you march so it sounds like one big step. Eventually they medicaly discharged me because of my feet. Now that hurt because I had planned on making it a carrier like my dad did.
    So you see there is alot you haven't had a chance to experienced. Why not rethink this like I said and set some goals to focus your energy on? I hope you decide to give it a chance!! Take care!~Joseph~
     
  6. music_junkie

    music_junkie Well-Known Member

    As the others have said - the human body is fairly resistant to self-destruction. It's INCREDIBLY resilient, and further, is INCREDIBLY resistant to destruction.

    It's hard to destroy! Even your mind, however dark, will fight against death if given the chance.
     
  7. jam1e

    jam1e Guest

    I don't know your history, but on face value, why are you picking such a violent way to end your life?

    There are alot of easier calm ways to go.
     
  8. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    I know that I could only do it if I was certain my consciousness would end immediately after beginning. If I jumped, I'd be fearful all the way down, and might not even die at the bottom depending on what I hit.
     
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I believe that fear is your bodies way of telling you not to do it. And it's right. You should listen to what your body is trying to tell you. It's normally right.
     
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I think the reason why you're unable to jump, because a part of you really doesn't want to die. You want a way out of your problems, not an end to your life. Also jumping off a tall building is a very scary thing to do. I'm glad that you weren't able to do it. :hug:
     
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    You can't logically plan for suicide because you can't think logically when your mind is fixed on ending your life.
    I know how you feel :hug:
     
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