So as many of you have observed over the past.. eh month or two. I have been adopting a pretty strict gene based policy. Saying that I am genetically flawed and therefore should give up on life. Well recently I have been struggling to believe that more than 65% of the time. There is another pesky other time where I am stuck being hopeful and motivated to change myself. You know that I just need to learn. I hate these feelings because all they do is make my depression worse. Mainly because they conflict with what I want to believe. BY believing both I am a hypocrite, and worst of all I have to admit I am wrong. It sucks, I really hate it. I mean I just sort of fell off the hope train recently so maybe it is still in my system. How long before I can stabilize on one view and live with it for the rest of my life? Seriously, I am sick and tired of always swing back and forth. I know my working out is causing the swings. Stupid chemicals... however I do not want to stop working out. I just wish I could figure out some kind of a secret to shooing away these annoying hopeful thoughts. That way I can get on with my suicide. Has anyone else ever had a problem like this? How did you overcome it? I mean I have already gone out and proven I am a failure... what more can I do?