Why Can't I Stabilize?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Apr 6, 2012.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So as many of you have observed over the past.. eh month or two. I have been adopting a pretty strict gene based policy. Saying that I am genetically flawed and therefore should give up on life. Well recently I have been struggling to believe that more than 65% of the time. There is another pesky other time where I am stuck being hopeful and motivated to change myself. You know that I just need to learn. I hate these feelings because all they do is make my depression worse. Mainly because they conflict with what I want to believe. BY believing both I am a hypocrite, and worst of all I have to admit I am wrong. It sucks, I really hate it. I mean I just sort of fell off the hope train recently so maybe it is still in my system.

    How long before I can stabilize on one view and live with it for the rest of my life? Seriously, I am sick and tired of always swing back and forth. I know my working out is causing the swings. Stupid chemicals... however I do not want to stop working out. I just wish I could figure out some kind of a secret to shooing away these annoying hopeful thoughts. That way I can get on with my suicide.

    Has anyone else ever had a problem like this? How did you overcome it? I mean I have already gone out and proven I am a failure... what more can I do?
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    The fact that you still have hopeful thoughts, suggests that you really don't want to die. You still want to change to make things happen for the better. It can often seem annoying when depression is an issue and things keep popping up to stop you from killing yourself. But these things make you realise that you don't want to necessarily die. Eventaully, more and more nicer things start happening which keeps you going even longer. It often feels like a long drawn out process but thinkgs can and do get better.
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So how do I make these thoughts stop getting in my way?
     
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