Why can't I stop?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by xoCherie, Apr 29, 2012.

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  1. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I just...I don't even know where to start this. I guess from today and go back?
    I was having a shower earlier and I just...I don't know...I saw the razor, I saw my hand reaching for the razor, I saw my hand using the razor to cut my thigh, I acknowledged the pain in some far off part of my mind, but it was like I was cut off from it. I didn't even want to cut. It just happened. Same story two weeks ago. And before that another two weeks. As soon as the cuts are healed and just a thin red line remains it happens. And I don't even know if I want to stop it.
    I don't know what's setting it off. Well, today I do. But the last two times I don't know. And it sucks because I'm trying to deal with today by talking it over with the guy that made me feel like this, and it's just making me want to do it again.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hey xoCherie: Unfortunately, I don't know the first thing about cutting--or physical self-harm/injury in general... But I do still feel for you, only I don't know what to (tell you to) do... I will say, that if this fellow is the one causing you the sort of pain where this is the outcome in terms of how you manage the hurt, then he does not sound like a worthy individual to be having in your Life. Again, that's just my opion! And if this is something of a compulsive destructive behavior, I think that you should seek some form of professional treatment. I don't have any idea how they go about helping people in this sort of trouble, but they do, as they are the experts in this discipline. Take care and good luck! -Mr. B
  3. three44

    three44 Member

    For me it seems to be the one thing I have to keep suicide at bay, and to keep me a float. It seems to release a little bit of the pain. Maybe it is doing the same for you. I do not always a reason for doing it, just thinking about it makes me feel better.
    I am not sure if that helps to answer your why but maybe it will help you get to your why.
  4. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    Cutting is a very unpredictable thing. I used to get urges anytime, anywhere. The only way to stop Sh is to really want to stop. If you don't want to stop, you're not going to be able to. I think you need to figure out why you started SH in the first place, then you need to become more aware of the times when you feel like you're most likely to want to SH.
  5. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I already know why I started - refer back to my posts about N and C back in spetember
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