I just...I don't even know where to start this. I guess from today and go back? I was having a shower earlier and I just...I don't know...I saw the razor, I saw my hand reaching for the razor, I saw my hand using the razor to cut my thigh, I acknowledged the pain in some far off part of my mind, but it was like I was cut off from it. I didn't even want to cut. It just happened. Same story two weeks ago. And before that another two weeks. As soon as the cuts are healed and just a thin red line remains it happens. And I don't even know if I want to stop it. I don't know what's setting it off. Well, today I do. But the last two times I don't know. And it sucks because I'm trying to deal with today by talking it over with the guy that made me feel like this, and it's just making me want to do it again.