why can't I turn it off?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Smashed__, Aug 11, 2007.

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  1. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    Last night I crawled in bed with my mother at 5:00am, just so she'd hold me. Shes told me to come get her If I was thinking about suicide(i'd already looked for my stash of pills). I actually told her some of the shit going through my head and she said something like "you know I really can't answer any of that, but I want to understand.." It meant so much to me. I told her I'm agnostic, and how I wonder if maybe not having faith is damaging to the healing process.. I was in there until 6:15am, crying and talking. She told me I wasn't a burden, even after all the medical stuff, and I really do believe her now. I left before I dumped too much on her shoulders. :unsure:

    I have so much going through my head. Questions, curiosities, uncertainties, insufferable worries, hate, biterness..its all there and nothing stops it. no pain pills, anxiety meds, anti depressents..I have nobody I can trust enough to feel comfortable asking things too. :sad:
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    :hug: Your mum sounds like she's dealing with this alot better than alot of parents do. Keep talking to her, and to us :smile:
  3. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Did you recently lose your faith? That can be a traumatic thing to go thru. Happened to me this past winter/spring.
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    That's great your mother is like that :) wish I had someone like her.
  5. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    no, I never really founded it. I did try a few churches, but I could never buy into anything and found it brought more questions then answers or comfort.

    yes i'm very lucky to have her. She has threatened to lock me up, but I know she just wants me safe.
  6. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    That's beautiful..
    I'm so happy you have a mother like that :)
    so many parents just don't get it.

    Keep talking with her :hug: good luck with everything.
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