Why can't i...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by AnotherFallenStar, Oct 13, 2010.

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  1. AnotherFallenStar

    AnotherFallenStar Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry if I'm in the way of everyone elses' posts.... I usually don't share my problems with others....but I don't know where else to go with this...

    I don't know what is wrong with me! Why can't I eat anything any more without absolutely freaking out.... Seriously, I can't even have something small like a bit of lettuce without having to go purge it. I haven't kept anything down for a while because of this. I have to be completely empty all the time otherwise I feel like I'm fat and I've failed....which then makes me want to cut up my arm or go hang myself...

    I know my body needs something which is why I used to limit myself to maybe something like an apple a day but now it has to be absolutely nothing but water. This wouldn't be such a problem if my heart and the rest of my body weren't so messed up and I wasn't in danger of ending up in the hospital again.
  2. teddisonca

    teddisonca New Member

    Im not sure if this will help, but when i was growing up my mother would with hold food or we just didnt have any, i found that i dont accept food from people and when i got food i have tendency to horde it, and save it until i cant take it, but i found it hard to eat because i would constantly feel guilty so for me i would make some food that took awhile to cook and by the time i got done i would be to tiered to eat so i would watch some television and place the food beside me and between the distraction of the television and exaustion from both the day and not eating and hunger i would eat and not realize what i had done until it was already done, like i said i dont know if if this will help its not even really all that related and i dont really know you issue but if it helps it helps right? i hope it helps
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    You think you could eat a couple of spoonfulls of peanutbutter without wanting to purge it?
    That should help you keep some energy, anyways... on days when I dont think I can eat anything- I'll sometimes just have some peanutbutter to gain energy to do something I feel too tired to do.

    I understand that it's hard to share these things with anyone...
    You might feel ashamed or like you are defective- but you are not.
    You should see a doctor or therapist about your problem and just talk about it.
    Talking about it openly will sometimes help...
    The main reason I think we purge is because of poor self image.
    Second reason is that it becomes habit or routine.
    You need to break the habit you have... but it's not going to be easy, more than likely.
    You need an ally in your fight; whether it be your doctor, a friend or parent or this forum.

    Just keep talking and try your best, okay?
  4. AnotherFallenStar

    AnotherFallenStar Well-Known Member

    I appreciate you both for giving me some suggestions and support. It totally does make me feel better that someone even bothered to read.
    I have gone to doctors, I have my PCP, a psychiatrist, a therapist, I've been on various medications to help me. I've even been inpatient for my eating disorder and to the psych hospital. None of it's really had any effect on me. I just feel like a hopeless case.
    I'll just try my best to eat something small without purging it. Maybe like mini carrots or something. I really can't keep starving myself this badly.
    It is kind of depressing now that I think of it...most people would think it silly that I have such a hard time eating. I can't do something even a baby can do...
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Well, a baby has someone to spoon feed them.
    It's harder to feed yourself when you really don't feel like you want to eat or deserve to eat.

    You do deserve to eat and your body needs the nourishment- so just remember than and start small.
    I have a really hard time with it too, but I don't physically feel hunger like most people do; so it's a matter of forming a habit and eating at the same times every day.
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