Why cant my grilfirend understand?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Shock, Sep 25, 2010.

  1. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    My girlfriend and i have just had a big fight.

    And here's why - I wanted to spend this Saturday night hanging out with my friends and she didn't have anything planned. In other words if she has nothing planned on the weekend I have to spend time with her.

    Listen, of course I don't mind spending time with her - she is my girlfriend after all. Its just that sometimes, and I think rightly so, I want to spend time with my friends. It just happens that if she hasnt got something planned on those nights that I do I get in to really big trouble. The situation that seems to have developed is this:

    1. I am responsible for her entertainment if she has nothing planned.
    2. I must 'book ahead' at least a week if I want to spend time with my friends.
    3. Any time that I am doing nothing or have nothing planned I must spend with her (unless she has something planned).
    4. Any activity must meet her approval.

    Why is she so clingy and needy? What did she do before she met me? Why cant she be responsible for entertaining herself when I'm not arround?

    Heres what I think is fair:

    We don't live together but have going out for 2 years. I am happy to spend any night of the week with her (we work during the day) but on the weekend I want to spend one night with her and one night with my friends. What do you guys think?
     
  2. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    Should've offered to let her go with you and your friends.
     
  3. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Yeah would have except they're all guys and it would be a bit awkward
     
  4. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    IMO that's what you should've done. At least offered.
     
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Yeah... if you offered, there are a few things that could possibly happen.

    She could just turn you down - not wanting to hang out with your friends
    She could go with you and hang out and get along with everyone
    She could go with you and hang out and get annoyed; mentally deciding not to go with you when you're with your friends anymore
    or
    She could continue to argue with you, wanting all of your time and energy for herself and you can continue fighting forever until you both get sick of eachother and break up. -___-


    I personally got along very well with my boyfriend's friends. One of them also had a girlfriend who would tag along with him all the time, so I got along with her as well.
    It's normal for 'the girlfriend' to hang out in a group of guys from time to time although it might annoy the other guys; it's just what happens when one or more of the guys in a group of friends are 'attached'.
    There is a point when she'll need to learn that you need space, though.
    If she still doesn't understand even after you express a need for one night with your friends away from her, things are going to continue to be a fight. Sometimes even after one half of a couple puts their foot down- the other is too stubborn or selfish to budge and that is when a 'temporary split' is needed, I would think... if not a fullout breakup.

    ~~~~

    a word of advice...
    when you're talking to your girlfriend in a civilized manner about wanting a bit of time to yourself; don't go with the "You're so needy, what's wrong with you?!" approach like in your opening post. You do that and there will only be a yelling match and NOTHING will get resolved. Try using the words "I" and "We" rather than all "You" when you're talking about your situation as a couple.
     
  6. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    That.
    and ask if she has any girlfriends that she can spend time with.
    So that both of you get to meet up with friends and spend time later on in the week.
    She may be feeling insecure that your ditching her for your friends, so assure her that you love her and all the rest.
     
  7. IAD121212

    IAD121212 Well-Known Member

    The clue is in the word 'girlfriend'. Dump her is my advice. Clingy and needy. Jeez... Just what you DON'T want!
     
  8. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    You don't think it can be sorted out then?
     
  9. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    no, it cant. there's really nothing you can do but move on. until she resolves her self esteem and/or trust issues she'll keep you on a short leash. HTH.
     
  10. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Thanks for getting back to me POW but I feel I must make a point here:

    You say 'She may be feeling insecure that your ditching her for your friends..."

    I would like to make the point that I was not ditching her as I had a vacant night coming up with no prior arrangements to hang out with her. If we had planned something together that night it would be a different story.
     
  11. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member



    I see your point and, yes, normally I would do something like that but I guess I really just wanted to spend a night with my friends by myself. Bringing my girlfriend into the mix would change the dynamic. I needed a break from her but not in a bad way. Perhaps I should have said something like that earlier.
     
  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    mmmm...
    gotta be diplomatic here..
    I know i ahve been clingy in teh past..
    so i would say, if it were me in that possition, i would feel that my bf didnt want to hang around with me, or want to be near me, or something along those lines. that i wasnt fun any more, and what can he do with his friends that he cant do with me?
    I would feel expendable, and pointless/useless.
    But now, i can see your side, as ive over come these feelings.. mainly from parting from the person i was clingy with.
    i think insecure girls just read alot into situation, and always think the worst. a good medium, i would feel from that would be go to meet your friends on teh friday night w/e and get her to come around asap on teh saturday so you can spend lots of time together.
    but if you have problems with that, they maybe you need to reassess the relationship and what both of you want.