What is it about people and not being able to fucking take no for an answer? Seriously, it's something that really fucking gets to me. My mate over FB chat is like, asking me about my fucking sexual fetish that I mentioned and what it was, and despite me telling him fucking ages ago, no I'm not going to tell you it, he keeps asking and asking despite me saying firmly "no".
Reason this upsets me is because I have a lot of difficulty saying no to people. That's why I ended up getting pushed further than I'd liked with 4 different guys when I was 13/14. People say being taken advantage of, so to speak (never raped; nothing worse than, well, hands going places I'd rather they didn't) by 4 different people (one of which I reported to the police) is unlucky, but I know deep down it is my fault for not being able to say no assertively enough. I think I just gave off the "I'm not sure" sort of no, as if I could be convinced, because I was painfully shy and had a fear of upsetting people (and I guess a deep rooted insecurity at the time that I wasn't good enough to say no to people - someone actually wanted me and that should be good enough for me).
Back to my point. I'm better at saying no now. I'm confident. People want me left right and center so my self esteem has shot through the roof and I'm no longer insecure (might just be hypomania because I'm very insecure in my depressions - but still not as much as I used to be). So I do have the ability to just say 'no' and mean it with a firm confidence. However some people just still don't seem to be able to take fucking no for an answer and it just makes me question, have I fucking gotten anywhere? Would I be able to handle such situations now if they arose again, without things ending mentally damaging for me?
I don't think I would. Recently I ended up having sex with just a friend, a friend who I in fact had not seen for a year and a half who I bumped into on a night out. I wasn't going to, I honestly wasn't. I told him I wasn't going to, but he just kept acting like I was going to anyway, because he knew I wanted to (I did - I was very drunk and probably wouldn't have sober, I just knew it was a better idea not to and actually tried to exert some self control) despite me saying I wasn't going to. He ended up pretty much continuing as if I'd said yes, pulled a condom out etc and it was at that point that I just kinda gave in. Now that sounds really bad written down. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. But this whole things just kinda proves to myself that, even though I can now say no to people, things can still end up going the way I don't intend them to.
Am I forever doomed to being a victim?
Reason this upsets me is because I have a lot of difficulty saying no to people. That's why I ended up getting pushed further than I'd liked with 4 different guys when I was 13/14. People say being taken advantage of, so to speak (never raped; nothing worse than, well, hands going places I'd rather they didn't) by 4 different people (one of which I reported to the police) is unlucky, but I know deep down it is my fault for not being able to say no assertively enough. I think I just gave off the "I'm not sure" sort of no, as if I could be convinced, because I was painfully shy and had a fear of upsetting people (and I guess a deep rooted insecurity at the time that I wasn't good enough to say no to people - someone actually wanted me and that should be good enough for me).
Back to my point. I'm better at saying no now. I'm confident. People want me left right and center so my self esteem has shot through the roof and I'm no longer insecure (might just be hypomania because I'm very insecure in my depressions - but still not as much as I used to be). So I do have the ability to just say 'no' and mean it with a firm confidence. However some people just still don't seem to be able to take fucking no for an answer and it just makes me question, have I fucking gotten anywhere? Would I be able to handle such situations now if they arose again, without things ending mentally damaging for me?
I don't think I would. Recently I ended up having sex with just a friend, a friend who I in fact had not seen for a year and a half who I bumped into on a night out. I wasn't going to, I honestly wasn't. I told him I wasn't going to, but he just kept acting like I was going to anyway, because he knew I wanted to (I did - I was very drunk and probably wouldn't have sober, I just knew it was a better idea not to and actually tried to exert some self control) despite me saying I wasn't going to. He ended up pretty much continuing as if I'd said yes, pulled a condom out etc and it was at that point that I just kinda gave in. Now that sounds really bad written down. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. But this whole things just kinda proves to myself that, even though I can now say no to people, things can still end up going the way I don't intend them to.
Am I forever doomed to being a victim?
