The Suicide/Depression Paradox hurts me. It just strikes me as weird that the way the general public views depression and suicide actually works to suffering people feel even more unworthy of life. On the one hand: people tell me that I have a moral or ethical duty to live, and not just to live, but to be happy and productive. Even though I have no family that wants anything to do with me, no friends whatsoever, no pets, a job I hate that expires in June and no prospects of getting another job. But must live like this and like it, out of adherence to an abstract social pronouncement. On the other hand: people tell me that depressed and suicidal people like me are the worst people ever. That they don't want me around, they won't love or befriend me, help me or even talk to me. I've been called a shithead, a worthless piece of shit, a bullshit artist, an ingrate, a retard, a coward, a cop-out, a criminal (and that's just my mother!). They sneer at me for not going to a therapist and also scorn me for not being able to fix myself on my own (this is my step-father and sister). People say I want to be depressed, it's all my fault because I'm actively trying to be unhappy, out of spite to them or because I was spoiled when young. I'm told I'm not unhappy because of physical or emotional abuse nor my social awkwardness; and besides, I invite that on myself for being unhappy. So if I'm so awful, why do I have this weird duty to live? Isn't such a failure of a human being doing everyone a favour by taking herself out of their way? My family/ acquaintance/ culture isn't even religious so it's not as though they're working within a moral framework that accepts adherence to this type of rule. And this paradox is the only one that exists, the only one without moral grey areas.