why cant things ever get better?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by alice_0, May 25, 2010.

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  1. alice_0

    alice_0 Active Member

    well, ever since february things have been going terrible. i cant get through a single week without feeling bad (physically) in some way, or thinking something is wrong. things had been so bad at home before and i was so miserable. then in october things started to get better and i was really happy. then february came and i've started having all sorts of health problems, but everytime i go to the doctor im told its nothing serious or nothing at all and that i appear healthy. now im almost positive i have skin cancer, but i cant get an appointment with a doctor until next wednesday. i've had these new spots showing up on my skin. and one spot is bigger and more raised up. i dont know what else it could be, and in the meantime i cant be happy at all. i try to be and i try to tell myself that there is nothing i can do until i see the doctor so i should just not worry, but i cant!
    i cried from almost 6 in the afternoon to 3 in the morning yesterday. i went to see my boyfriend, he had some friends over and we were all gonna go swimming, but when i got there and i saw everyone it just made me want to cry so i left after being there for maybe 10 minutes.
    i dont know what to do. my mom wont believe me if i tell her what i think is wrong. she never does, she just gets mad at me and tells me to stop overracting. i want to tell someone and talk about it but im scared to because since i've had so much going on latly, im scared that they wont believe me.
    and i know even after i go to the doctor it will take at least a week before they get test results back, so thats over two weeks im going to be terrified thinking im going to die, and worrying about this
    Its just not fair! finally i dont want to die anymore, and now im probably dying of skin cancer! I dont know what to do, i've actually started praying again, but i dont feel any better.
    Then to top it all off, i keep seeing things on tv and hearing things about hell, and people who are going to hell. which scares me even more. Im starting to worry its like a sign or something that im going to die and go to hell.
    I dont know what to do, it seems like everything in life is against me, and that im gonna suffer here, die soon, and then suffer in hell for all eternity. i know ive made mistakes. i've been an athiest, and an agnostic, and now i think i believe in god agian. I've sinned, but i dont think im such a terrible person to where i deserve to die at age 19 and go to hell.
    I dont know what to do, who to turn to, or anything.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I wish I could offer you more comfort. You are over thinking things, it is something I do. I over think everything that means something to me.

    You have a boyfriend, he should be someone you can turn too. If he is not then you probably do not want to be with him. I also find that this is a great place to fine people to talk to. You can talk to me if you want. Just PM me,if anything I can help you put your mind at ease.
  3. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Hi Alice. Have you been to a psychiatrist? I have a terrible case of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and I have had/still have very similar symptoms of believing I am far more grievously ill than I really am and hyper morality- feeling like an evil person for the slightest infraction against what society deems proper behavior.

    Please look up obsessive compulsive disorder okay? :console:
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