Why couldn't my father have worn a condom?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lymeinside, Dec 13, 2006.

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  1. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I think I'm done.

    I just fucking wish my father would have had the decency to wear a condom on that god forsaken night. I am an abomination. There should be a law that prohibits 2 ugly people from fucking, to prevent disasters like me from having to suffer an empty life. There is not a single part of my body that is not completely repulsive to another human. I had some small glimmer of hope that I wasn't as ugly as I thought, but I now know the truth. WHY THE FUCK AM I ALIVE?!??

    The only reason I am alive is because my main goal in life is to have my own family one day. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! I will never have a wife, girlfriend or kids. I really did want to, but no one will ever want to be with me, and besides that, I could never torture my child to live a life of ugliness like I am. The world turns its back on disgusting people like me.

    I can't live the rest of my life alone. I swear to god I will end up dead in my bathtub. I have so many ways to do myself in. I am right on the edge right now, and I can see the ground below.

    I have an intense headache right now, like my brain is going to explode out of my skull. I hope I have an aneurysm and die. Please god, let it happen, I can't live like this.
  2. If only my father would have worn a condom. I'd be alot happier. I wouldn't be alive. I suppose it is my mother's fault too. She could have had the abortion which my father told me she had considered having.
  3. Dave303

    Dave303 Well-Known Member

    HI lymeinside I am sure U are not repulsive. Of course we all feel we are not good enough in many ways time to time. I assure U this is a natural feeling and U shouldn't be thinking about suicide because of this!
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hey hun, hang in there, life can and probably will get better. All that matters is the inside of the person, and you seem to be really bright and caring. And by the way, I sent you a PM :hug: :hug:
  5. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    I was a planned birth via IVF after a large number of failed attempts by my parents. I wish they'd failed just that one extra time, or that I was the dead twin. Would have been easier for everybody.
  6. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    My parents told me I was an accident. In the nicest possible way mind, but still.
  7. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    There's different accidents. There's the "pleasant surprise" accident, and then there's the "accident" that is the thought most commonly associated with that particular word.
  8. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Pleasently surprised I hope. At least by my mum. Although i was third child, i wouldnt blame her for being pissed with me.
  9. Acetaminophen

    Acetaminophen Well-Known Member

    just wanted you ppl to know that i cried over this thread . .
    i had friends with the same problems . . .

    i care, . . :)

    i have a loving father and mother, they are supportive . .
    they keep me alive, but if they die i'm sure to die with them .
    the society is hell, it's my parents love which keeps nourishing me . .
    i'm not proud of this, but i suddenly realized how lucky i am right now .
    in a way you people helped me out with my suicidal feelings of the day reminding me of my parents . .

    thanks . .i can sleep tonight . .
    i posted this thread to let you know that this made my day^^ bless you all and keep fighting . i'll be here . 4u :)
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Look at Lyle Lovett. He married Julia Roberts. Looks are not the be-all and end-all that you are making them out to be. Sure, good looks give some people an advantage, but go to Wal-Mart on any given day and you will see that "ugly" people too find happiness and love. Do not allow something like appearance determine your self-worth or your ability to achieve true happiness.
  11. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for this outburst above. I just am just feeling so horrible right now that I can't believe it.

    Let me explain a bit more. I've been talking to this girl online for about 2 weeks now. We've been pretty open with each other, and she seemed to like me, we had a lot in common etc. Don't get me wrong; I don't expect much at all from online relationships, but there was just something about her. Anyway, eventually she ended up sending me a picture of her, on the promise that I would send one. You can see where this is going. She was absolutely beautiful, and I couldn't believe it. She would have had to be an 8 on the classic 1-10 scale. I took a picture of myself with my crappy webcam, and send it to her.

    What did she do? Just fucking blocked/ignored me without saying a single thing!

    How can I be that ugly? I don't believe it. I had some kind of disillusion in my head that I was at the very least average looking, but for someone to just completely be disgusted like that? How can I be so repulsive?

    This finally proved to me that looks mean everything. No matter how much I made her laugh or really connected with her, my disgusting appearance shocked her so much that she had to block me without saying a word. No one could be that shallow, and she must have had good reason to do something like that.

    I don't know what I've done to deserve this. I must have been a mass murderer in a past life.
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Don't let that bitch have the satisfaction of making you feel bad. She is obviously a crap person in general. Looks don't mean everything to good people. Some people are just rude. I'm actually a pretty cute girl and I started talking to this guy on Myspace. Not for Romance or anything, I'm married, but we were just debating politics and stuff like that. Well, it says on my site that I am married but I guess he didn't get that memo. So I said something about my husband and he said "You are married?", then blocked me from his friends. WTF? Some people are just not nice people. If that bitch doesn't even want to be your friend then consider yourself lucky for finding out about what kind of person she is this early on. I'm sorry she hurt your feelings, though. That's shitty.
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Also, don't give up online dating. That's how my Mother met her husband after a dry spell of like 7 years. Now she's deleriously happy. You'll find a keeper :)
  14. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain and angry. Just take some deep breaths and that will help. God made people in his own image and we all have a specific gift to share with the world. So hang in there.
  15. Suckstobeme

    Suckstobeme Guest

    Lymeinside, again you write a post that really speaks to me. Take solace in the fact that no matter how ugly you may be, there is someone out there even more hideous: me. I've never met my real parents, but all I can say is that wow, they must have been damn ugly themselves to produce something like me, probably trailer trash inbreds... or maybe I just ended up with the worse possible combination of their genes. And how did someone related to me (my dad) even get laid? Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if my mom was really my sister. That would explain a lot about my appearance. Unfortunately I'll never know the answers to these questions.

    You certainly can't expect to be happy going through life with every bad feature in the book, an asymmetrical face, sickly pale pock-marked skin, and being skinny as fuck. It's just not going to happen. As an ugly person, everything works against you from the start, and you quickly find out that you're going to have to put in 10 times more effort into the social game than the "normals." The thing is, these average or above-average looking people have no clue. They don't have to deal with the constant social alienation and rejection from the opposite sex.

    Being ugly in itself is enough to want to kill yourself. And you're right, looks are all that matter. Personality's all an act anyway. Anyone can be fucking James Bond charming with good looks. Again, though, most people can't appreciate this because they at least have some looks. In fact, most of them will deny this fact, because it's not very pleasant to think about. However, they haven't had to see firsthand how differently ugly people get treated. They just assume it's the same for everyone, that we're all on an even playing field, which couldn't be further from the truth. Hopefully in the near future wearing a mask in public (ala Vanilla Sky) will be considered fashionable. Until then, hell I don't know what we should do. Hold an ugly peoples' convention?
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2006
  16. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    I've "been with" a girl from the other side of the planet for about 10 months now. Pretty insane. But I haven't got any better, so I'm going to keep at it. Plus I "love" her, if you can understand that...

    Anyway. Lymeinside - what the others have said about "ugly" people being able to find love is absolutely true. More women than not tend to usually go for personality anyway. If you can find a girl - maybe online or through a dating service since you seem to lack confidence in yourself - that you have similar interests in, she'll see past what you see as your "ugliness" because she'll just be happy that she's got somebody to talk to. You said you wanted a family of your own some day? Any idea how rare that is in a bloke? Women love this sort of thing. I could ramble on for forever and a day about how that relates back to caveman instincts and women choosing and all that, but bottom line is, women see a potential father as an EXTREMELY admirable trait.
  17. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I don't know. This is really hard.

    The incident with that bitch has killed the little self esteem I once had. I have nothing now. I still cannot believe this happened. I really thought we had something going. She really did seem to like me, we got along well, etc. She was also keen on the idea of having kids one day. We had so much in common. I wasn't expecting much to come from any of this. I was just happy that someone seemed to really enjoy my company.

    As soon as I saw her picture I knew I wasn't good enough. People like me don't end up with people that look like her. I just don't know how someone could be so cruel. I would have accepted her no matter how she looked. Am I really so bad that I don't even deserve a response, only an immediate blocking? What the FUCK did I do to deserve that? It was like the final nail in the coffin of my self esteem.

    I still have the headache I had yesterday. Why did this have to happen? Before this, I was at least under the illusion that I wasn't completely horrifying.
  18. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If looks are so important (which our society does stress way too much) then how do blind people fall in love?? It can't be appearance, what is it then? Lyme, that online girl is not worth one minute of your time or one bit of your attention. Hateful people are ugly, no matter how "drop dead gorgeous" they look on the outside.:mad: Besides, as I've heard it said, "at night, all cats are grey".:wink: We can't all be Julia Roberts or James Bond, but then, looks fade and skin sags with age, and it's what's inside that counts. If this girl, or anyone else, doesn't know that then they're not worth your time or effort or affection. Please don't give up. Work on being the person you want to be inside - when you meet "Miss Right", she'll have the innervision to see you as you truly are in your soul.:smile:

  19. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I sometimes wish the same of my father. If he had just worn a condom that one time--he would have spared someone a lifet ime of suffering. It's basically mental problems that keep me from participating in real life, nothing physical. But the former is enough. My shyness prevents me from acting on any attractions I might have. I've had women come up to me and hit on me (my avatar isn't a pic of me, mind you), but I could barely respond because of my SA. It's almost as if god is mocking me. I remember someone was shocked when I said I was a virgin, or never had a girlfriend, etc. So, looks don't matter as much as people think. What's on the inside matters too, but I'm...empty.
  20. Condoms save lives.
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