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Why couldnt my mother have aborted me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by wastedmylife, Nov 18, 2008.

  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    She told me numerous times growing up she wanted to and even took hot baths to try and kill me when I was inside her

    Why didnt she? My life is a fucking mess now, I dug myself into a deep fucking hole, I could have done something with my life but I am a coward and I cant stick up for myself

    What the mother fuck, how did I end up like this, why cant I just die in my fucking sleep, just fucking peacefully so it will be like I never existed

    I dont have the fucking balls to kill myself, I realize that now, I am 28 years old and my life is over, I killed myself, it is just a matter of how will I adjust to this new world I created

    What the fuck did I do to myself
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I read another post of your's in another thread, I can understand why you feel this way since it's the effects of other people who have turned you this way.
  3. mordelta

    mordelta Member

    Wow, I feel the same way. I wish I weren't born. Every single day that I live reminds me that I wasn't supposed to be born. Living is misery. Living is pain. Living is chaos and torture. There will be no peace until the day I die.

    The thought of years and years of life ahead of me drives me crazy. Sometimes, I can't even stand the thought of living another day or another week.

    Have you ever had a nightmare and prayed that you would wake up to escape it? That's how I feel about life. Life is an endless nightmare! I feel so weak and alone in this misery.......then life goes on and I live another painful day....
    Dawn likes this.
  4. Robald

    Robald Active Member

    Wasted and mord... you said how I feel.

    Every single day I regret that I was born.

    Every single day I wish that I would wake up from this nightmare 'life'.

    I've had a few nightmares recently, but every time I wake up reality is far worse.

    Wishing that I had been aborted, but not yet having (successfully) resorted to suicide to redress this unfortunate act of misconception, leaves me with a very strong negative ambition- make sure that I die without ever having conceived any children.

    Ironic as it was only earlier this year that the possibility of becoming a father seemed like the ultimate dream come true. Now I can't even type the word without feeling... dirty? a shiver down my spine? like crying?

    Ah well, kinda veered off topic, but there is potentially a lesson here:

    Contraception (unreliably) and abstinence (reliably) saves future beings from the pain of existence and potentially wishing that they had been aborted. Remember that abortion itself can be an incredibly traumatic experience which has the possibility of seriously messing people up for life- not least because female hormones released during pregnancy usually trigger a very strong maternal instinct even if it was not previously present. Far better to avoid conceiving in the first place.

    The tragedy is that those men who least deserve to father children will happily continue to fuck away with no regard to consequences, many children will continue to be born to lonely abandoned women, and humanity will persevere in this grim pattern for generations to come...

    But if you wish your genes had never been manifested into an individual, you can achieve a similar effect by ensuring that your branch of the family tree goes no further. When you're dead you won't know the difference anyway. It's a shame that you've had to live and suffer, but in the grand scheme of history there is little difference between being aborted and dying childless.

    (I can hardly believe I've just written all this horrible shit, but it really is how I feel and have done every day for months.. the disbelief comes from knowing that until this summer I would have scoffed at these words and wondered what depraved individual would have come out with them. I just feel the need to note for anyone reading this that I'm not finishing this post with a proud smile on my face, but rather a frown of self-disgust)

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: I'm here if you need to talk x