I am almost 65 and I have been coming on here for YEARS now moaning and groaning and whining about how tired I am of living. But I have never had the courage to self-liberate and I probably never will. A few weeks ago I had a heart attack and had to be hospitalized. It was a mild attack and did little damage to the heart. The doctors used angioplasty to open arteries that were much more blocked than we suspected, so now I have a "nearly new" heart. About a week later, I read about a 32-year old athlete in my city who died of a heart attack. How do you figure this? This guy was young, had everything to live for, and he gets the death I wish I had gotten. Please don't tell me any BS about how the Lord's ways are mysterious. That is just an easy platitude theists use to explain why their imaginary god does such a perfect imitation of a non-existent being. And please don't jump to the conclusion that my being an atheist makes me suicidal. If you are going to come onto this thread to preach your religious delusions at me, save us both time and SHOVE OFF! My reasons for wanting to die have nothing to do with my religious beliefs or lack thereof. But once again, I wonder, why couldn't the heart attack have been fatal? It would have taken care of everything! I would be at peace right now instead of typing alone in a room at 11:30 p.m. so other people as crazy as I am can read my rantings. I hate life but I am too cowardly to end it. That is about all there is to it.