I cut today. i didnt want to, i just did and i didnt realise what i'd done until it was too late. the worst of it is... i dont feel bad for dong it, im glad i did, and i actually feel a lot better. i am worried i will start cutting again (like i used to) but to be completely honest i dont mind if i do because it helps and it makes me feel more in control. Sometimes i just feel like everything gets onop of me and theres no other release. i cant help it. i dont want to become a bad person because i do this to myself, its just so hard to not think about it all the time, every minute of every day. i find myself thinking about it more and more. like today i couldnt wait to get home so i could do it, then when i finaly got home i found myself picking up the scissors and putting them down time after time. i dont want to but i do. i feel like im being pulled in two direcions on one side i want to do it all the time because i feel like i need to but on the other side i feel like i cant, i constantly think... what if my family find out im doing it again (not that they would care) it means ill have to go through the whole process of hiding it properly, making sure i treat the cuts properly, making excuses if i get caught. my old scars are only just starting to heal properly. i feel trapped. like i havent got a choice. does it make me a bad person? somethimes i think well i might aswell ive lost all the people that were close to me anyway so its not like theres anyone that will notice, that will be affected by it, that will care. what if i make like a deal with myself to only do it now and again like when i feel that i realy need to? is that ok? i feel realy confused at the minute. is it ok to start doing it again? i fear that if i dont ill blow up. i feel this weight on me and its only getting heavier, i feel that some day soon im going to react to it in a realy bad way and end up doing some thing seriously damaging to myself. its like im stuck between a rock and a hard place. Help me, any advise is welcome!!!!