Why Did I Do That?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by absolution, Jul 14, 2010.

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  1. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    So i asked my neighbor if i could borrow her car so i could "go to the store". I didnt go to the store... I went a tower. A very high tower. I wasnt thinnking about jumping as i got behind the wheel but when i got there it was all that consumed my mind. I climbed it and sat on the edge...all i had to do was move the wrong way and i would have been gone...why didnt i?? Im really not sure why i got down and went home...im kinda glad i did.

    While i was up there i thought a lot about the poeple i would have left behind...their names popped into my head and i got down. I couldnt do it. I dont know why seeing as i have been suicidal for a longggg time and the pain is bad...Im so confused right now... :dunno:
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Sooooo glad you are still here :wub: you!
    I do the same thing sort of with my date...just lets me know I have an out if I can't take it...my pdoc says it is about feeling in control of my emotions and he is not that worried about it but do please be careful I saw a woman in LA fall after she changed her mind and went to turn around to safety it was awful!
    Love you and glad you didn't listen to the sadness and pain within you but rather the loving side of your heart to guide you home and back here.
    Love always Bambi
     
  3. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :cry: im regretting it now... :wub: you too...
    I think your right about it having to do with control...I just cant getmy head around it Bambi.....
     
  4. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm glad you did too.

    If you are like me & probably a lot of other people, we don't "want" to kill
    ourselves. We just don't want to continue feeling the way we do.

    I would give almost anything to have all the bad feelings "disappear". But that is not going to happen.

    Again, I am very glad you are still here. I would hate for you to be gone.

    Luv you :hug:
     
  5. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy


    Thanks hun :hug: Im so confused...and a bit mad at myself... :blub:
     
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I think you're very brave for having got that close and backing down. I don't believe that you should regret having gone there, I think if anything you can learn from it and perhaps you've realised that the people in your life are more important than the want to end your life (or at least I hope that's what you realised). What matters most is that you're still here and your friends are clearly releaved about that. You have people in your life that genuinely care about you. You should be happy, not confused. :smile:
     
  7. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Im happy and confused :blink: Idk my head is spinning...and i cant think...can barely breathe through the tears right now...i need someone but they cant be here right now so it hurts...a lot.. :cry:
     
  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    We are here for you hun :arms: lean on us! Love you!
     
  9. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that the person you need can't be there for you right now. Maybe crying it out will help you overcome your pain, even if temporarily. If your head is feeling muddled and you're feeling confused, having a little lay down and a nap might help make you feel a little better. Try resting your brain and not over-think things too much. :hug:
     
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy


    :arms:


    :hug: yeah i think ill lay down for a while...cant stop crying...ugh whats wrong with me???
     
  11. frostbitten1997

    frostbitten1997 Account Closed

    Im glad your still here.I have been where you were...many times .i came so close to doing it that one little move would end it but couldnt do it.I know what it feels like to not be able to go through with it and the feeling after of why couldnt i do it.It made me feel worse cause i couldnt do it.Part of me is glad i didnt,i would of not met you or summer and im glad to have met you both.Small steps,just keep walking and you will get better
     
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    what is better? i feel like its never going to end...If i was alone and no one cared and i loved no one then i would have taken that leap...but...ugh i dont even know :cry: im sorry
     
  13. frostbitten1997

    frostbitten1997 Account Closed

    Its ok,your just telling us how you feel and thats good.I do know what you mean.Im alone just like that remember,all my friends are online.If it wernt for you and my other online friends i would have nothing to stay for.I feel like its never going to end also.I have been fighting for 13 +years.depression,lonelyness,it sucks but im still here
     
  14. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I am glad you are still here Mark... :wub::love:
     
  15. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    There's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with crying. I used to think so; I went the majority of my late childhood (13~18) thinking it was weak and pointless to cry, so I never did. Now I cry almost every day, and there is honestly nothing wrong with it at all - if anything it helps. Cry all you want, I think it's safe to say that a lot of us here do it and there's nothing more wrong with any of us than there is with you. We're all human here. :hug:
     
  16. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hugtackles:
     
  17. frostbitten1997

    frostbitten1997 Account Closed

    yes cry,it can help.I cry sometimes.been alot since Oct and im 42 and a guy.Dont worry about crying.do it if you have to.we wont think you weak for crying.
     
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm glad that you came down from that ledge and that you're safe Sam. You're such a wonderful person and you're loved by many people here on SF. :hug:
     
  19. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hallelujah! I am so happy that you are starting to see the truth. You are loved, wanted, and accepted. You are a great person that deserves everything life has to offer. I will be praising Yahweh all night because of your post. I am so happy I could cry!!! :hug: I love you girl! Hang in there!

    I am sorry that the person you want to be there cannot be, but I am sure they would be if they could. :)
     
  20. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy


    Love you too :wub: :hug: Thanks hun..
     
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