Everyday since the night she left me I been going over my head why I didn't tell her how I feel about her. One compliment, one anything that tell her i'm attracted to you or I'm shy but I like you or anything, and she would have been with me. I was so close and now so far. I know I won't find anyone like her again, and I can't find an answer why I did what I did. It was like I wasn't human when I was interacting with her. The whole time my brain was racing and giving me bad thoughts such as "am I good enough for her, why did she approach me, does she like me, na she can't like me, she too attractive" and this was after she said she notice me and that was a huge sign I miss. Since then I have lost interest in everything I used to love and I just feel pathetic, ashamed, guilty, remorse, loser, crazy, moron, and suicidal because of this. She made me feel special, which no one has ever done for me before. Maybe I took her for granted, because finding a girl like that is once in a million opportunity. I could never approach a girl and we both seen each other around and the fact that she wanted me enough to approach me speak volume about her characters. She is perfect in my eye and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can deal with this because my heart is not at peace. I want to see her again, I want a picture of her, I want to tell her how I feel about her even if we are together. She has no clue I like her, because I was a robot that night and didn't show affection. I try finding her but I only have her first name, and it been years now and she recently graduated from college so I have a better chance winning the lottery. The night she left me, I never felt more empty. Saying I'm lonely is simply an understatement, I don't think there is a word in any language that can describe how I feel. Any happiness that I might incur throughout the day quickly get cut off by how much better it would be if I was with her. There is no woman alive I want more than her. She has been my crush for a while and I never could ever imagine she felt the same way. What can I do? How can i find her or forget about her. I can't move on with my life like this. For example, I love spaceship and Nasa and I didn't even bother to come out to see the Space shuttle endeavor at all, and that really a once in a lifetime opportunity. I lost interest in college football because anything that remind me of college remind me of her. I just feel really insane and helpless right now and this was in 2009, and I feel my pain is even worst than that night. Am I a failure? I don't know if I'll ever be with anyone anymore.