Why did you do it?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Aug 3, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Why did you do it?

    Tell me why?

    Why did you say we love you when it was a lie?

    Remember when i asked you why you loved me? remember what you and your wife said to me? do you even remember??

    I JUST WISH I KNEW WHY YOU HURT ME.. YOU SAID YOU WANTED THE HURTING TO STOP YET YOU ADDED A LOT OF HURT UPON ME AND I WISH I KNEW WHY? I DID NO WRONG TO YOU.. IT WAS MY NIECE.. AND IM SORRY YOU WERE HURT BY HER, I REALLY AM..


    I know that you dont love me and i am not forceing that upon you... i just needed for Gods sake to clear my troubled mind and spirit yet you could not do that...

    I dont understand why and i guess i will never understand why... Perhaps its because you were hurt so much, perhaps that is why?? i know i cant bring back the past and i cant change things but i would have liked to have made peace... Was that too much to ask for? im sorry my niece hurt you and im sorry i hurt you.. cause i have hurt you myself in the past and i am deeply sorry for that... I do ask that you please forgive her? Shes just a kid but i fully believe that somewhere in her heart that she will own up to the wrong she has done and i believe that she will come to you and let you know that, or perhaps at least let another minister know it, but i am sure she will and i am sure she has a pure heart.. All i ask is that you please forgive her when she does come to you??? She already wants to be baptised which is good yet she is still so young but A.W. and B.B. are gonna talk with her about it...

    As for me i am sorry i couldnt be what you wanted me to be... im sorry i failed so many times... i just wished i knew why you added more pain and hurt upon me when i loved you both so much... Im sorry if i smothered you in love.. Im sorry if it felt like i was obsessed, i just had no one ever in my life say they loved me and cared for me and when you did it was joy to me to finally have someone say i love you, to finally have someone care...

    You both put hurt upon me but i have forgiven you both... many nights i layed in bed crying wondering, they didnt move that far away from here so why do they not call? why do they not even just send a little note or a little card, heck even a small phone call.. it would have made a lot of difference if you had..

    YOU BOTH KNEW I LOVED YOU.. YOU BOTH KNEW THAT , YET I KNOW NOW THAT I WAS NOT THAT WAY TO YOU.. I WAS NOT HELD IN THAT WAY .. I WAS NOT THAT CLOSE TO YOUR HEARTS AS I THOUGHT I WAS..

    You know its too late now... its just to late... i am losing a battle and i have no choice but to give in to it... I just wished i knew the answer as to why you could not let me explain, why you could not understand me or even understand this heart of mine? Perhaps its from my past.. my past that will forever haunt me.. Perhaps you just really dont care i dont know???

    You know you said to me that a persons past when they truly repent will not ever be remembered no more , but did you know you were wrong?? Wrong because my past and the things that had happened will forever haunt me.. it will never leave me unless i leave also...

    im speaking with true words here.. truth from my heart that has been bleeding for a long , long , time... You and your wife added more hurt to my heart and more pain and i have tried, even peanut knows how much i tried to mend the fences between us but it looks as if satan has won and do i ever hate to say that but this battle he has won.. He put a wedge between us that cant be broken...

    I needed peace not just for me but for God because it is what is required , and you know that.. i dont have to tell you that... perhaps its seen as a game to you, perhaps thats what you think it is or thats your opinion of it or of things??? But in all reality it isnt... This is true words from a true heart that is torn and bleeding.. from a true spirit that has lost the battle... I am weak.. Much to weak to continue to fight on...

    The battle with this cancer is not even compared to the battle with my spirit and my heart... it seems all i ever do is make mistakes, rather it be something i say or do... heck i cant even get peace between us so yep i am a big screw-up and when i say big screw-up i really mean that..

    i should have died when i did my last attempt , but i didnt, im here now but what part of me is not suffering?? My body is suffering because i now have a physical cancer which i believe was done because i did that last attempt , i mean that OD stayed in my blood long enough to do the damage and i believe it was because of that... so basically i succeeded into taking my own life anyhow... my spirit is suffereing because i have a torment of knowing that my life is ending basically by this so im screwed there.. my soul is suffering cause i know i cant go to God without peace between us so i am screwed there.. i cant win.. i cant win at all.

    I tried to reach you.. i really did , now it is too late... sorry...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2007
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