Why do "friends" do this?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lulu rose, Oct 29, 2007.

  1. lulu rose

    lulu rose Guest

    Why is it that when you get like this, all depressed and suicidal. Why is it that your friends seem to want nothing to do with you?

    Why is it that you need to give them a reason for them to help you?. Why cant they just help you out of being your friend?!

    Why is it that after my 1st attempt people started to ignore me?

    why is it that after my 2nd attempt none of them cared?!

    Why do they think this helps? I dont understand how anyone can be someones friend and then be so selfish as to not want to help them because they aren't worth their time!


    My ex boyfriend doesn't even care that I tried to kill myself the 2nd time. Not even a word of contact from him..........nothing. I thought he'd at least ask if I was ok........

  2. numberman

    numberman Well-Known Member

    Some people are fairweather friends and some are not.

    Even those who are not can often unfortunately take fright in situations like those,often in the misguided belief that if they interfere they may inadvertently push you over the edge ( say the wrong thing in the wrong place) and lead them into a situation where they would be ( probably wrongly) guilt-ridden for the rest of their lives.Quite simply they do not want to take the risk

    Also people who have no direct experience of depression do not understand what to do for the best and may feel that if you are left alone to "sort out your head" that is better despite the fact that the resulting isolation is much worse.

    Think about going to see your GP and don't allow him/her to fob you off.Unfortunately GPs can vary in their attitude to depression just as society as a whole does, but part of their remit is to deal with mental health issues.You pay their wages through your taxes,make sure they earn them.

    There is an old saying which is unfortunately apt: " laugh and the world laughs with you , cry and cry alone" , this is often the basis of reactions of people other than those very close to you. This is what this forum attempts to prevent,a feeling of isolation, we are here for you
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Sometimes friends do not understand what you are going through. Maybe they generally see you as happy and when you get into such a low funk they have no clue how to react or how to help. Some may just not want to deal with it but true friends just might not know how to deal so they find it easier to say nothing than say something and risk you possibly falling deeper into depression :dunno:

    Again they might not know what to do, how to help, etc. so they need you to give them a reason or an explanation as to what's wrong and how you can help. When I know someone's generally depressed I try to ask something like what can I do to help? So that way I'm not just running in circles trying to help, I can actually know what I can do and work from there.

    To some people suicide and suicide attempts is a very scary thing. Something that they might not be able to grasp. If they themselves are happy it might be hard for them to wrap their head around the idea that someone would want to end their life. They might also feel at fault or feel guilty, wondering why they didn't see it or why they couldn't have helped sooner. They back away b/c of that guilt, because they are afraid and don't know what to say. What can they say? Oh hey btw sorry you tried to kill yourself?? That would sound kind of harsh, don't you think?

    Did they officially say they didn't care?? Did they say I'm sorry but you are too depressed for me? Again they don't know how to help you. Have you offered them ways that they can help? Before you are quick to judge them as to not liking you or caring anymore you might want to try and talk to them and make them understand what's going on in your head, your heart, etc.

    Do you think you are being selfish by saying none of them care about you and that they all hate you? You have no asked them. Have you told them again what is really wrong with you. People can't be completely tuned into what is going on with you if you don't tell them. If you leave them in the dark of course they are going to be in the dark with how to help you.

    Isn't he an Ex for a reason?? Not saying he shouldn't care but you guys broke up for a reason and maybe he's been distancing himself from you to give you space or to get over you. Just because he doesn't rush to your side doesn't mean he doesn't care. Or once again maybe he doesn't know how to react.

    again, you dont know if they care or not. They could be just as scared as you. You and your friends need to seriously sit down and talk about this so that way all of you know what's going on.

    Take care.