Why do girls always run away from me if I like them?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A_New_Man, Aug 4, 2008.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    I am 20 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend.

    Every now and then, I meet a girl who is really wonderful, and I become infatuated with her. When she's not around, I spend a lot of time thinking about her, and when she is around, I pay a lot of attention to her and treat her as well as I can. But after awhile, the girl just gradually fades out of my life. If I try to draw her back in, she just avoids me. Eventually she just ignores me completely, sometimes tells me not to contact her again. What am I doing wrong?

    Is it a crime to admire a girl, appreciate her, and want to be closer to her? I've never forced myself on a girl or made strong advances or even flirted. I just make eye contact, smile a lot, and ask her questions about herself if there's nothing else to talk about. I tell her that I really appreciate her friendship and company, but I never go out of my way to bug her to spend more time with me. I try to do everything with tact and consideration, and to never say anything that could be taken the wrong way. I don't contact her more than once or twice a week, and I never go snooping around to learn every detail of her past. What am I doing wrong?

    When I like a girl, I really like her. I'm happy to have met her, I'm proud to be near her, I feel lucky everytime she looks my way. But whenever a girl finds out that I like her - by putting two and two together or from a friend - she immediately makes herself as distant as possible from me. One minute she's my friend and we're on good terms, the next minute she's acting as though I've just tried to take her life. What am I doing wrong?

    Sometimes I like a girl after knowing her for just a few weeks. I don't know her parents' names, where she went to school, or what all of her political beliefs are - but I don't need to know any of those things in order to get along well with her, adore her personality, share her favorite pastimes, or respect her intelligence. All of the important things come from directly interacting with a person, not knowing every minute detail and spending months with them. I can tell very quickly if a girl is the type of woman that I find appealing. What am I doing wrong?

    Why do girls find me so scary? I'm not overweight, I take care of my appearance, I try to be fun and outgoing and social, I do my best to avoid any kind of behavior that could be misconstrued as creepy...some girls have even told me that I'm cute, and sweet, and intelligent. So why do so many girls run away the moment they know I like them? What about me is so unattractive? What is so terrifying about the idea of me having a crush on a girl? Is it a bad thing to do to a girl, to like her? Is it unfair to her, or something? Inconsiderate? Does it place her in a difficult position? Should I do my best to avoid liking girls?

    What am I doing wrong?
  2. ok, i am a 20 year old girl. i know exactly what your talking about, but im having difficulty coming up with an answer. i'm pretty sure i do what you're talking bout, though i'm not entierly sure why i do it. it's not about you, it's about them. when it comes to my male friends,if i notice they like-me like-me, i will probably shy away from the situation for one of 2 reasons: 1)i'm not into them that way and don;t like the weirdness of the situation (i hate to say it, and i know it's bitchy, but i will suddenly thurn myself off to boys sometimes - 1 boy in particular i feel bad about. i totally led him on, then blew him off. no fault of his. it was all about me and my insecurities and i feel really bad about it, though i havent ever told him. )
    2nd reason)i like him too, but am afraid of getting hurt or rejected if you don;t really like me or lose interest.

    i'm guessing your biggest problem is that you're not assertive enough. if you like a girl, tell her she's amazing and that you'd love to take her to the dinner or the movies some time. then, if you get the date, make a move! don;t worry about offending or going too far, she will let you know.

    it is hard at our age to hold platonic friends of the opposite sex. most friends ships btwn 20 yr old boys and girls will either result in more then friendship, or 1 person will like the other, thus ending the friendship.

    i hope this helped/gave some insight into the female mind. let me know if i can help in any other way
  3. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    20 i still rather young, the right girl will come along one day just give it some time and probably these girls already have boyfriends and just don't want their guys to get the wrong idea.
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I sort of agree with the unregistered guest here. Sounds to me like you have a habit of entering "friend territory" way too soon. Once you get into this area, it's very difficult to get out. You sound like a great guy who really cares about these girls and would probably make a good boyfriend. Let them know this! They need to see you not as the nice guy they can go to the mall with and tell about their problems with their boyfriends, but as a potential boyfriend yourself.

    Yes, IMO, all the best relationships begin with a strong friendship, but never let these girls forget that you are also a man with the same needs and desires as everyone else. That doesn't mean you should be creepy, BTW, just a little more agressive. Flirt, make innuendos, that sort of thing. If you feel like you're getting the go-ahead, then ask her out.
  5. Sorcery

    Sorcery Member

    hmmm.... when you said "I feel lucky everytime she looks my way".... maybe you are being a little too appreciative? I think that might create a fundamental distance between you and your crush. Not that I really know, that's just speculation.

    But don't be too hard on yourself man, romantic interest can be the greatest of joys or the hardest of sorrows, it's all about the match. EVERYONE experiences the latter at some point, don't worry, and don't let it affect how you view yourself.
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