Why do I act?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KittyGirl, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Acting is something that has always come natural to me.
    I'm used to pretending that I'm okay.
    I'm good at hiding how I really feel.
    I always wear an invisible mask to protect myself from other people...

    On the other hand, I enjoy acting very much.
    I like to become the character that I am playing in body and soul~ experience the character's life through their eyes and be someone other than myself.
    Pretty much the only reason I ever went to class in highschool was to show up for play rehearsal. I was in all of the school plays- those are some of my best memories.

    In drama class of my grade 12 year, we had to make paper machier masks and write a monologue based on the feelings of the 'mask' that we created.
    My mask looked very depressed.
    It was a kind of empty, lost expression...
    I wrote my monologue as if I were a drug abuser.
    On our performance day- we had to present infront of the school.
    I talked about how 'I' had lost my family and my home, and was living in a friend's basement. 'I' spoke about how I'd been to the hospital too many times to count- and I'd been sick and abused and broke- always looking for a way out. I cried and shook. My skin crawled and I felt so sick that I thought I might really vomit on the stage...
    When the lights went out after my performance, no one applauded.
    I guess I'd caught everyone offguard with my serious monologue- since they'd always seen me with a smile... the plastered smile that I always wear as a defense mechanism...
    My mark for my performance was 110%
    The impact was so severe that a few of the people from the audience had gone to the guidance office to seek someone to talk to about their reaction afterward, but no one ever approached me to ask about it.
    No one said a word.

    No... I've never tried drugs. I'm on prescription meds now, but I've never abused them. I haven't even been drunk a single time.
    I know the sorrow and the feeling of helplessness that someone in that situation would feel though and I imagined that their pain was mine as well.

    I've always loved to entertain people and to make them think.
    Something to remember; even people who look perfectly well off can be rotten on the inside.
    We're sensitive beings.
    We're weak.
    But we can also be amazingly strong and experience supreme happiness.
    Just remember that looks can be deceiving.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    so true so very true