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Why do I bother to be bothered?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by X-51, Sep 8, 2009.

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  1. X-51

    X-51 Active Member

    Not entirely sure where to start, so I suppose I'll just write as the mood takes me, and see what comes of it.

    I have a decent job with a decent company, and make decent pay. I'm a server geek, who makes sure people who are more important than me who drive better cars have email servers that function.
    So I'm not broke, but I'm certaintly not able to live the life that I want. I have only a few hours of college under my belt, and no degree. Luckilly at 25 I suppose it's still an option. The real issue though, is that I've recently met this great woman who's my age, my height (very important you see, as I'm a shorty) with a great sense of humor, attractive the whole package deal. Unfortunately she's also broke as hell.

    I've been doing my absolute best to keep her in the black. She just got out of a very rough relationship. Very abusive and demeaning, that lasted 8 years. I don't think she's ready for a relationship and if nothing happens, I'm content to count my blessings for being her friend. But regardless, I really do have feelings for her.

    The crux of the issue hoewver, is that because she's so broke, she ends up being dependant on alot of her friends. She's living with someone now, rent free which is helping her to save money, but she has a vehicle which has basically become a financial black hole.

    Ultimately, she has begun to search for new methods of generating income quickly, and stripping has risen to the top of the list.

    This bothers me greatly. As a former bar-tender at a strip club, I saw the worst of what society had to offer. Drugged out women, throwing themselves at men with money who either had zero respect for them as people, or were so desperate that they were under the sad assumption that if they simply slipped enough 100's into a G-string that they could find their one true love.

    It was a nightmare. It wasn't that it was dangerous, and even the illegal activities that took place weren't what drove me to such depression. It was the loss of any dignity that anybody had in there.

    To be clear, I don't look down on strippers. And to be honest, if I was young and beautiful and female, I must admit the easy money has it's allure. I also don't fall into the belief that these girls truly don't care about themselves, or were abused as children. Because most of them that I met, had fairly decent lives to be honest.

    I think my anger and depression comes from the men, rather than the women. The sad and lonely droves that came in from the "real world" seeking to escape their lonely, sexless lives. Throwing money away as if it were water. Some of them had wives or girlfriends at home.

    Just sad, and sickening.

    I left every evening inebriated to the gills. Vodka became an ellixer, that I clung to like a dying man in the ocean clings to the broken wreckage of his sinking ship.

    It bothers me greatly that she would have to resort to this. She says it's only temporary, but the easy money sucks people in. Most of the girls that I worked with, stuck by the story of "temporary income." Of course, the word "temporary" often became several years.

    I consider myself a feminist in nature. I strongly support a womans right to dictate her own life. But my feelings for this girl, are confusing my initiatives.

    I'm strongly considering acquiring a second job, selling plasma or whatever else to make up any extra money to help her with her bills just to keep her out of this. But in the end, regardless of my efforts, it's her choice.

    My issue is of viewpoints.
    Is this chauvinistic? Am I de-valuing her right of choice, by trying to stop her from doing this? Is a strip club truly that bad of a place? Am I jealous of the men that will pay to see her? Why does it bother me so much? I won't be the one stripping, and likely with her extra income, I would actually benefit.

    I really like her, and would like to have a more meaningful relationship, though as I've said I'm happy to stay friends with her if that's what it ends up being. But this hurts for some reason.

    I'm typically alone in life. I don't feel the need to have a girlfriend by default. I'm content with my solitude. I don't want to waste my time with a woman just for sex and companionship. I want a relationship that actually means something to me.

    But we're not dating. So why does this frustrate and bother me so much?

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're right; strip clubs are pretty rough. I had a friend that worked there for a while, but she didn't last because she wasn't comfortable with it.

    Have you talked with her about what your concerns are for her? Like you said, it's ultimately her choice; but at least then she'd know how you feel.

    I know you want to help, but getting a job just to support her probably isn't a good idea. Then she'll be depending solely on you for income, and that could create an awkward situation.
  3. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    My issue is of viewpoints.
    Is this chauvinistic? Am I de-valuing her right of choice, by trying to stop her from doing this?

    I don't think so.It is rare for a man to care about a woman's dignity the way you care about this girl's.Ultimately you can't stop her from making easy money this way..but you can tell her how you feel..someone should care about her enough to tell her how degrading it is to be stripper.People can argue that point but it truly is degrading..its kind of selling your soul imo.It is sad because there really is no other way to make such easy money..and you are right the men who frequent these clubs are. pathetic.
  4. X-51

    X-51 Active Member

    I suppose I need to stop writing in "walls of text."


    I dunno, it bothers me that I can't seem to reconcile this situation in my head. I have no ties to her. We're just friends. But it bothers me so much that she would be in this mind-set that stripping is a viable solution to her problems. >.<

    Perhaps I'm jealous that others would see her naked, by simply paying for it, whereas I would rather work towards the privilage.

    I'm not sure that's any better though honestly. It sounds like I'm trying to control her, and I hate that idea.

    I care about her alot. I just don't want to see her do something that I genuinely think is bad for her. Those places destroy people. I wish there was something more I could do to avoid this being an option she's considering.

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