Why do I care so much?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Warrior2089, May 17, 2008.

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  1. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Why is it that everything that I do, everything that goes on makes me so self-concious that everyone thinks I'm mentally retarded? My IQ is 140, for Petes sake. I know for a literal fact that I am not mentally retarded. But everything that happens, I automatically compare it to what that person would have done to a retarded person in the situation. I get so paranoid, thinking "what if i actually am?" It's probably not long before nothing can get me off of the matter because of the whole "you eventually believe your lies" thing.

    This frustrates me every single day of my life, man. I can't stand it. Why do I get so self-conscious over an easily not true matter? :sad:
  2. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    I have the exact same concerns. My IQ isn't as high as yours, 133 to be precise, but it's one of my biggest fears to be thought of as mentally retarded. Whenever someone says something like "What the hell are you talking about??" I immediately think that they're thinking I'm a complete idiot.

    In my case, the reason why I panic over this issue is because when I was in school I was thought of as being a very disruptive student. I was restless and argumentative, I just couldn't sit through a class and focus. So I was dumped into special needs classes and that had a profound affect on me psychologically. I was literally a waste of time, space and tax payers money in school and I left without any qualifications.

    I don't know if this is the case with yourself, but maybe it's related to something that went on in your childhood? Maybe an older sibling making fun of your intelligence or something?
  3. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    My siblings I don't recall ever calling me retarded or anything similar to insults on my intelligence, but i was called retard in school a lot (this was around when I was in elementary school), and I played online games so of course I heard the retard comment used against me literally every game that I played. Later on when it grew, I always thought that people were taking advantage of me because of it.

    In present time, I always get self-conscious when, for example, someone who usually does nothing but insult people (I'm talking real-world here, not in the online games) out of nowhere compliments me. Or maybe all my friends are insulting each other (for fun), and in the same situations, they compliment me instead. It all just links me to what someone would do to a mentally retarded person, so of course I get the paranoia.

    Anything that someone does or says to me that seems like that's what they would do to a mentally retarded person just gets me so panicked and scared of what they're thinking.

    How do you usually feel in these situations?
  4. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    I usually feel the same way that you do. I feel panicked, scared and my heart beats ultra fast. I feel as if I've been physically punched in the stomach when somebody says to me "What is the matter with you? Are you stupid or something??" I also know what you mean when somebody known for insulting behaviour compliments you out of nowhere. Your mind immediately goes into overdrive and you wonder what they're really thinking.

    I think you should maybe try to explain some of this to a therapist, get some closure on the retard insults you've received during your childhood. It's obvious you need to move past this.
  5. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    That is exactly how I feel when that stuff happens. My mind goes into overdrive, can't think of anything else, and then all of the questions come in. "What does he really mean?" "What if I actually am retarded?" "Does he think I'm retarded?" "What if I actually am retarded and everyone is just letting me ease by through everything?". Panic, fear, paranoia sets in. Everything you could imagine.

    Yeah, I probably go see a therapist about it. Only problem is that my mom won't let me get a therapist. She says that I'm just "growing up" and feeling insecure just like everyone else. I don't think everyone else is as paranoid about one specific thing like me.

    Do you know of any online websites that offer a free session or something like that?
  6. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, I actually don't know of any online that could help, maybe someone else will chip in on this thread and suggest an online option. But if you talk to your local GP (doctor) he/she could fix you up with a good therapist. Maybe you could see one on the downlow? Just tell your mother you're going to do something else like hang out with a friend or maybe fake a sports injury and say you need weekly physio sessions, if you don't play sports, you could say you tripped on a pothole and sprained your ankle a bit. That's what I would do. Or you could sit down with her and have an extensive chat about seeing a therapist over this one issue. Many people see therapists at some point of their life, even the most unlikely of people. :smile:

    I was thinking about this a bit earlier and another reason I have this issue with people thinking I'm retarded personally is because I have a severe inferiority complex. I always think the worst and I always feel inferior to whoever I'm talking to. But I think that could be related to my childhood and schooling too.

    Anyway, you're certainly not alone in thinking this. :smile:
  7. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Thanks for your post. It helped clear my head a ton. Seeing a therapist on the downlow sounds like a fantastic idea to me. Only problem is how much would it cost? I'm saving every cent I have to pay for something in early June and I wouldn't be able to pay for therapist sessions myself. But that is a fantastic idea if someone can suggest either a low-cost or a free online session.

    I've been feeling so terrible these past few days. In school everything goes perfect. I keep thinking to myself that my depression has passed. But every time I get home, and I have nothing to do (I get all of my homework done in school), I get so depressed and angry at the slightest things. I was playing Guitar Hero II earlier today, and I was playing a song on expert that I can usually do fairly good at. But I could hit barely any notes on the song, and I got so mad that I had to lay down for a bit and rest to get rid of most of the anger.
  8. ohhh.

    ohhh. Guest

    This is my first time in this site, not so sure about how to post and stuffs. Hope this works.

    I feel the same way too! My IQ is around 135 (measured 2 years ago though, im only 16) and I get paranoid easily and often insecure ):

    Since young, I have been thinking about

    End of the world?
    Human Nature?

    At primary school I was already thinking about how death feels like, what am I supposed to be in this world for.

    I watch a movie, like eg Silent Hill, and whenever I hear some noises I'll think it's the siren and alot of monsters will come out.

    I stare at a chair, or maybe some clothes, at night and it ends up looking like a monster grinning at me.

    I think about many unnecessary things.

    I have been in many relationships, but none of them lasted long. I think its due to me being overly insecure easily, being the paranoid person I am.

    Sometimes I hope I can have an IQ of perhaps 40, and I can live in my own happy world, and think less.

    I don't think anyone will reply to me though, but I'm still hoping. ://
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