Why do I constantly meet people who don't want friends?? What's wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by yous, Jun 2, 2010.

  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I believe what I have is social anxiety, yet I go out and can communicate with strangers, however as soon as I get to know them better(there is nothing really more to talk about), I tense up and feel a distant between them. I never get past the part where I can freely be myself or express how I feel. Why do I sense that? Sometimes I feel it's the sense of foreboding. Like if I get too involved I will make them a friend and when they drop me, I will go down a spiral.

    Most people I meet are so in to themselves, that is, they complain or talk about what's happening in their lives, but immediately if I contribute a little info about me, sometimes they disappear on me or change the subject! I have had it where I was in mid-sentence and they'll be waving at someone else, cutting me off just so they can go say hello to them. I mean how rude?!

    I always thought I was a flake. That should someone ever invite me out, I would do whatever possible, no matter how much I liked them, to refuse. Because I was so afraid of small talk. I still am afraid of small talk, but when I do, no matter how considerate I am, the relationship never lasts longer than the initial hello. There are no second dates or friendly outings. They either find me useless, jealous of me, or hate me. WHY? Please someone explain!

    I have this one person I met a while back in my life which I know this post has gone on too long for me to describe details, but I always felt I had to do things his way, do him a favor, or say encouraging things when he rarely reciprocates this manner. He is sometimes a fun, nice conversationalist, but our conversations never reach to a deeper level. It's always on general terms like hobbies and interests. He insists on communicating a certain way and when I told him that was difficult for me, he simply wanted it his way still. I have come to the point where I realize he may be rejecting me, but why do I constantly meet these type of people?!

    I want to make friends, but I can't! I now have fear that if I try, I would just lose them all over again. It's the same feeling I get when I apply for a job and I do accept it, it turns sour and I quit/lay off and I'm back out again feeling miserable!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2010
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    From what you described your friend as doing and how he/she communicates without taking your feelings into consideration, it seems like your ex-friend was the one who was the jerk.

    If you think this happens in every circle you enter, perhaps you're just too different from everyone else. They're on a completely different and contrary plane and that will never change. There isn't much you can do about it except to just accept that you're not likable and most people won't like you, regardless of what you do, who you save, etc.

    OR you can fake it until you make it. Pretend to be something you're not and they'll love you until kingdom come.

    I have this same problem. Again, I don't think there's anything that can be done about it that will last over the long-term. Most people are born with a personality that many people can love; some people are born with a personality that no one can love. And personalities don't change. Some habits do, but you are who you are forever. But maybe someone else knows something that people like us don't... :dunno:
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well small talk is only the first step. People have told me you just have to hope you see them again. I don't know, making friends is one of those things that is hard to do. Also maybe you are going to the wrong places. Sounds to me like you are going to a bar and chatting people up. Have you ever tried to take a class or join a club?

    I agree though it sucks when people just kind of blow you off. Kudos though You are out There trying. Which is more than I can say for me.
  4. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    @Prinnctopher's Belt - I am always different from other people, but I just don't seem to understand how. I am never in a situation where people can say our minds think alike. Yea i guess I just have to accept it. Don't know how or if people have long term friends unless they are family.

    @ Forgotten_Man - I have never been to a bar before nor forced myself to meet people. Usually the people I meet are either online or at work/school, maybe some events like concerts(but this is rare). The person I was talking about I only met online. So we only spoke online, yet I still get the same effect with people I met in person as though I met online. This distant, uncomfortable, awkward, way of talking. Yeah I guess I just got to give up.