Why do I continue to hold on?

[HomerSimpson]

I have no idea where to even begin. I am worthless and useless. Literally every day I wake my thoughts are of the worthlessness I am and the things I will never be. I have lost all my friends and its all my falut. They would always call or invite me to go places, and it got to the point I would quit answering the phone and going around them. I simply dont wont to be around anyone. I am an old man at 33 and I decided to go back to college about two years ago. The last few jobs I have had I lost due to layoffs, and currently just go to school. I have lost the will to even look for a job because where I am you will be lucky to make seven dollars a hour. I compare myself to former friends and others I know who are my age and see how far they are in life, and where I am. I figured school would help, but it hasnt. I just cant see the point of my life or living. I am just a waste of life. I guess I am just so lonely, but yet I cant find the will to be around anyone. Doesnt make sense does it. I know there are millions of people worse off than I am, but we all handle our problems differently. I am so consumed with doubt, self hate, and disappointment. I guess this is nothing more than a bunch of rambling, but I doubt anyone will read it. If you dont like eating something you dont eat it. If you dont like a movie you dont watch it. If you dont like life than why live it? I pray for that one moment of clarity when I will realize I will never have have someone to love, I will never be anything, and I will never have anything. That one moment of clairty I pray for, for than I can finally end my worthless life.

 

[TheBLA]

You make a point but unlike food or movies, we only have one life and thats it. We can't leave our body and pick another life to live. Your depression maybe caused you to close contacts with your friends and you can't maybe move and look somewhere else for a job, a new beginning? I know its much easier said than done.