I loathe, repeat LOATHE, when I am told I want to be depressed. But there are times that I have to imagine I do. Subconsciously or something. Because I have a tendency to randomly do things I KNOW will only result in my feeling sad or insecure. Like I'll look into things I know will send me into such sadness that my breathing becomes labored and my stomach churns. I have done such things twice today. What the fuck is wrong with me?