why do I do this to myself? (cannabis)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by depressedGirl, Mar 26, 2011.

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  1. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    Ok... I am sorry to post this. I need to get it of my plate before I go insane.

    I gave up cannabis for about 1 week or 2 and I thought I could do it. Instead of sticking to it I went back to it. My mates are moving soon so I really need to quit but I don't know how to. It's like I love it so badly my body doesn't want to stop. I tell myself I don't need it but my body says it does which is obviously stupid because I haven't always done it so what makes me think I need it so much. It's a load of rubbish.

    I have got 4 weeks in a job for a work boost and I am scared that if they realise I am high they are going to get rid of me. Guess what stupid I know but I still won't stop. It got to the stage where I thought everyone was looking at me and talking about me on a bus and I still won't stop. I never used to be this way. If something was making me ill I would stop. I just won't stop cannabis.

    I don't use tobacco with it so I can't understand why I am doing this. I have never felt this way. People say I am making it up but I am not. Why would I lie about this? I have no reason to. If this doesn't sound like cannabis then obviously there is something else put in it cause I just won't stop. It's not the fact that everyone around me is doing it. That doesn't bother me. I managed to stop in those 1 to 2 weeks with my mates doing it. It's just my body is telling me that I need it. My mind is telling me I don't. Quite obviously I don't want to do this anymore. I am sick of being pathetic and stupid.

    My other mates have quit with no problems so why am I doing this to myself. It only makes my depression worse. This is how bad it is. I promised to myself I would give up cause I know my aunt (who died of cancer) would want me to stop but I just can't. I think I just about know why. Cause even though I know deep inside I want to stop some part of me misses it. Omg just listen to me. I have finally lost it. What is going on?

    I don't know what but something is holding me back. I think I am going crazy. I know you'll probably won't reply. Just some crazy girl who can't even do this one thing right. Like I said got no problem with my mates doing it. Have stopped in front of them before with no pressure so I know it's just me being dumb. I mainly needed to get this out before I found I couldn't sleep.

    Sorry to be stupid.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Phone your doctor okay he can put you on medication to decrease the cravings for the pot you can quit upi cam do this don't put your job in jeopardy okay get some help from professional to stop if you can 't stop on your own hugs
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