Why Do I Do This?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Forgotten_Man, May 4, 2010.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You know I wonder why I defeat myself all the time? This relates to a specific issue in my life. Those of us who are PMing know the situation so I am going pretend everyone knows. There is Z and Y find my other thread.

    Anyway why do I do this. I go through and motivate myself to do certain thing. Namely attempt to seduce Y or at least start walking down that path. Then I go to a forum and realize the truth. That she is not looking for what I am. Well at least that is the impression I get. "We'll See" is as neutral a response as one can give.

    Then there are my plans for Z. To wait till she gets nice and close and then plant a kiss on her. Well then I realize that will probably make things worse. Probably resulting in her telling me we need time apart. I get myself all psyched up that this will pour out her true feelings and she will be mine once again. Then I realize she won't, that is just how she is. She will never give me another chance. She would rather be alone than that.

    It is the same fucking story which makes me hate myself even more. I get so motivated or psyched up. Then I realize the truth. For instance losing weight. I want to lose my gut ,and reshape my body. However, that would entail a year of even more suffering for something that would most likely only mask my self-esteem problem.

    Here is another example I want females in my life. I am realizing I like them more than males. So I try to motivate myself to go out. However, females scare the shit out of me. I can barely muster up a greeting much less lead a conversation. So I think why even fucking bother. I mean I will encounter years of failure. Probably nothing volute failure while I try and fail to learn how to woo females.

    So here I am sitting at my desk wondering one of two things. How much force would it take to break the window in my office. After all I am on the 21st floor. Hell I could cause a multi-car pile up. It would all be over then. Or I can see how sturdy my balcony is. I have some climbing rope why not see how much force it can take to break it. After all I am a fatass. I might actually survive.

    Now I need someone to talk me down. I doubt that buying something will make things better this time. My only hope is for a miracle to happen and one of my many fantasies comes true today. However, that will never happen. I am too much of a fucking loser... well that and I am a guy. I can think of no good reason to keep up this charade.

    Please.... someone help... I want help but I a circling the drain.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thank God breaking a window would be too loud.

    It is funny I see all kinds of activity on here yesterday. However today... well it is like the forum is empty. I just laugh I wonder what will happen after my night work is completed?
  3. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    Hey, guy, don't give up yet.

    Some women can be complicated, but I avoid them; even as a woman I don't want to deal with that. But there are a lot of women who just want someone who will treat them right. And by that it just means someone who will treat them them the same way you would want to be treated.

    Maybe it won't work with that one gal you want. But it will work with someone. It's worth waiting for.

    You mentioned your weight, but how is your overall health? If it's not where you want it to be, why not focus on that instead. Losing weight can be so overwhelming, especially if we're not in the best place to begin with. But making small choices to improve our health can be a good place to start.

    If you're still circling the drain, I'll act as the drain stopper, okay? :hug:
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    It is hard not to give up. Especially with my track record when it comes to females. I would be ok if I could at least play the field. However, the more likely scenario is I will wait another 20 years and then get another chance to fuck things up. I just fucking suck that is all there is too it.

    Yeah I am fat and I hate it. I wish my health was worse... well I don't know maybe I am on the verge of a heart attack. I have not been in for a physical for about 8 years now. If my doctor told me that I needed to go on a strict diet or risk heart attack. That would be welcome news. I would give up the health and eat myself to death. However, I have always been fat, but never in bad health.

    I want to lose weight however my sexual frustration is more powerful than that desire. I want to have someone to be with every night. However, I am to fucking fat and ugly to ever get anyone I would want. I have pics to prove it, if you want to PM me. Not that I need the validation. If I was not ugly, there would have been at least one girl who just wanted to be my friend. Without me trying to meet her. One girl, even if I did not want her, there would have at least been one. However, through my whole life the only place I meet women is the net. Since so few meet my physical standards and live near by. It just goes to show that I will never have what I want.

    It is a good thing you replied. I told myself I would be hanging right now if there were no posts by now. I will try to remain hopeful. However, if I don't have sex in the next 2 or 3 months I am just going to give up. I can't meet women in real life. I can't meet women near by on the net. I can't get what I want. Someone to love and fuck. So I am just going to hide in my fucking room until I cannot take it any more. Which will only be another couple months down the road. After my depression affects my job so greatly that I get fucking fired.

    I just want to fucking quit now. It is taking everything in my power to not just cut of Y now that I know she does not want what I want. It is taking everything in my power to not cut off Z because she has a boyfriend. I am fucking circling the drain here. It is taking all my power to not just give up and hide until I starve or hang.

    How do you not want to quit? How do you fucking find hope when there is none? How do you make yourself happy? If there were real answers to these questions then I would not be here. However, since there are not it is impossible

    On the upside my extreme depression has killed my appetite. So I am losing weight.
  5. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know a little about what weight problems as I used to be 322lb's but went on a diet and lost over 100lb's. I too had been fat for a long time well over 20years (i'm an old git). So it can be done but you have to be strict with yourself. Can't help you with the relationship thing thoug i'm afraid took me a long time to get into one and that finished in January and will take me even longer if ever to get into another. But please hang on and keep posting.
  6. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    I've been on the same boat man. Fight it, it'll come around. My therapist keeps pushing towards finding a relationship, I'm just not ready right now. But when the time comes, I'll start again. Going out on the hunt sucks and I gotta do it online. Getting me to talk to someone in a bar or something just isn't gonna happen.

    The thing is, you gotta make them "see" you. If it's really just a looks thing, how long will it last? How long before they find someone else and can cause even more problems?

    What exactly do you mean, "I can't get what I want."?
  7. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    You got some good replies from some of the guys, and I think it helps to see that other guys are in the same boat.

    My son and his friends also have trouble meeting gals. I think it's harder now. People stay inside more, on the net. So, bit of a catch 22, you can meet gals on the net, but since many of them are on the net, it's harder to meet them in real life.

    Do you belong to any clubs, organizations, church groups, etc., where you are around single gals? There are even places on line to meet gals like Match.com. I don't know how successful that is, but it's a thought.

    Now the tough part, you're going to have to invest some time in someone if you want to have a physical relationship. Gals don't want to be used just for that, anymore than guys want to be used as an ATM. A decent relationship means you are going to have to find a friend first, and she will be a lover second. It blows up otherwise, and leaves too many scars for both.

    As far as how to make yourself happy? That's up to you. What makes you happy, even for a moment, besides relationships? (something to help while looking for someone). Find things, and do them. Or if nothing appeals to you, find something that helps someone else. I've seen you helping people on this site, and that may be something you would be really good at. Or, if you need a break from people, work with animals, etc.

    In any case, hang in there.
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @ozbound: I know it can be done. However, another problem I have is sleep. I tried an exercise regiment back in college. For 3 months I only got at most 30 hours of sleep a week. That is another fear. I know it can be done. In fact thanks to a couple trips to the gym and depression killing my appettite I have lost 20 lbs. However, I think my metabolism is leveling out. How did you stay motivated?

    As for the relationship, trust me I know EXACTLY how you feel. Which is what kills me. Seeing myself alone for so long, and failing for so long. I wish I could help the both of us.

    @rx4brdm: I know, however, I need validation, that on some physical level they find me attractive. Sort of a do onto others thing. I don't give females I am not sexually attracted to the time of day. I try to expect the same.

    Has your therapist given you any pointers? Or is your therapist just saying "Go out and find one"?

    What I mean by "I can't get what I want" is that I am looking for one specific thing from a relationship in the beginning, not hard to guess what, and I am unable to get it because I do not know who to manipulate girls into wanting that from me.

    @carekitty: Ha ha if women are on the net I guess I am in the wrong state. Or maybe I am using the wrong tools. I am not a fan of stuff like facebook, and plenty of fish... well lets just say no one reads my messages. Nor can I write a profile that is appealing to girls.

    Friends first, yeah the question is how long do I have to be a friend? I can understand having something like that to fall back on. However, I just don't like waiting. What will it take 3 months, 7 months, 2 years? I know I am just not mentally capable of being a friend with a female while I am sexually frustrated. Plus from what I have read there is a very fine line between becoming a lover and becoming a friend. Chances are women would rather friend me than lover me. I get so much advice that tells me I have to drive the relationship and make it known what I want. Then I get told to just go with the flow, and then I am told that I should definitly NOT go with the flow otherwise I will become a friend. I just don't know what to do.

    What used to bring me joy was anime and video games. I found an anime club online. However, I have been way to depressed to go to it. Plus I cannot tell when a girl is single from when a girl is married unless she tells me. So I just assume any girl I am attracted to is not single, they are too good looking to not be taken. Nor do I know how to pitch woo. Basically I am walking out in the battlefield with a rock. However, right now nothing brings me joy. I come to this forum to make my depression worse. Knowing that I will give crappy advice to anyone else.

    I am trying to hang in there. Maybe Y will come around, lets just hope I am patient. However, my grip is slipping, and I am not sure how long I can hold on.
  9. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Keeping motivated wasn't too hard to begin with as at the start you see the weight fall off. It does get harder as the weight loss starts to even out a bit and you hit a time when you stop losing but it picks up again.

    As for the meeting woman thing I wish there was a magic pill to get me passed me social ineptitude but there isn't. I also think this is where we differ which is why I can't help as I try going into a relationship for friendship first and then see where it leads.
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah I had a trainer warn me about a period of stubborn pounds. Which I know is going to be a hard period on me.

    I wish I had a magical pill as well. There are so many magical pills out there... none which do what I need them to do. Its ok, I cannot expect help from everyone, when it comes to women. I know I want a friendship as well. However, I do not want to always get stuck in the friend zone. Which is my greatest fear when it comes to women. I will be their friend, and that is all they will ever think of me. Well until they have no options left. Then they will try to start a relationship that should have started 20 years earlier. That is something I just cannot deal with. I might as well be alone if that were the case.
  11. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know what your saying but for me the frienship has to come first or there's no real chance of a lasting relationship. And if it goes no further than frienship that's ok too as you can never have too many friends. I wish I had loads more not to burden them with my problems just so I had more people to hang out with.
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @ozbound: Yeah I know, which is why I still spend time with Z. We are great friends... I jst want us to be more. We were so much more... in my eyes anyway, her and her title fetish ruined that.

    At the same time, I do not want ot make excuses for my reasons for meeting a female. If I meet a female in real life it is because I have a sexual attraction to her. For some reason I just cannot bring myself to befriend women who I am not attracted too.
  13. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Some of my best friends are women and just because I don't feel attracted to them doesn't mean there not a couple of them I used to date it just ended amicably and we stayed friends. But all this doesen't help you I'm afraid in what you are looking for just a different point of view.
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah I am pathetic... I let my own desires get in the way of being a friend.
  15. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Nah it doesn't make you pathetic at all you just have different needs is all just wanted to give you a look from the other side of the coin as it were. Not to make you feel worse my appolgise.
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Its ok, I have been feeling really bad about my feelings involving females recently anyway. I wish I was more like you. I guess I feel this way because Z left me while my feelings are still very strong for her.
  17. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I think I know the reason why I just can't be friends with females. It is because it means that I am not worthy of being love. Or something like that, if I am not intimatly loved... then I can't just be friends. It hurts... oh well...
  18. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    My therapist's only real good advice on the situation besides online stuff (match.com, eharmony, etc.), was going and doing stuff I like to do, finding a hobby and maybe you'll find someone there. Unfortunately, I'm a gearhead, I have not ran into a whole lot of ladies at the go-kart track, r/c car races, car shows ('cept drop dead gorgeous models). So I need to find another hobby, not gonna happen right now, 'cuz of my frame of mind I could give a shit less.

    Eventually the gym membership will start again after a monetary issue gets solved. So that's a possibility. I started going places with a good friend of mine again and he has a huge amount of friends and that is where my last relationship came from, almost. Unfortunately I had to move. When they took me out, even after I got completely shit-faced, I was still the quiet one. That attracted her. At first, the way she looked did not really appeal to me, she was not bad at all, just not my type. As I got to know her though, things changed.

    I could go on and on. You just got to realize, the way you see someone can totally change when you get to know them. Keep trying.
  19. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @rx4brdm: Yeah my success with dating sites. Well free ones, my roommate tries eharmony and had no success. He gets to date one and does not get any further. So that is rather discouraging.

    As for hobbies, I am trying to go to an anime club. However, the last one I went too was pretty much all guys. And the few females that were there, triggered my gag reflex. That is the problem with my anime hobby all the single women are not even close to my type or are under 18. Otherwise the rest are taken.

    I wish I had a friend who would drag me out. Maybe I would meet women. However, my roommate is not that kind of guy. Sadly I am still superficial enough that if there is no immediate primal connection I just wall off girls.
  20. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    :lol!: Gag reflex.

    Yeah, I could see that happening. Search along the internet, maybe you'll find something interesting, something you could do easily in your area, that would include both sexes. Hey, what's this, I'm giving myself ideas too! Maybe some are gonna think this sounds sexist but look around at the ladies you see there, find the feature you like the best. When you see her in a different view maybe she is not drop dead gorgeous, but remember what you liked. Talk to her. I know, I know, not easy to do, but if you're in a place that interests you then there could be a connection.

    My last relationship, the only thing in common was really my friend, but we found other things. She wasn't a supermodel, but I found myself very attracted to her in a short amount of time. Most of the other relationships I guess I got lucky, 'cuz I was attracted from the beginning. Especially my first real gf, but that's another story for another day.

    And maybe finding another hobby you like, you find a friend like I did that gets my ass out there and makes me meet people.
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