why do i even try

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by morganne1993, Sep 16, 2011.

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  1. morganne1993

    morganne1993 New Member

    im in this class called personal development. One of the things she tells us to do is to think positive all the time and things will work out in your fortune. Well i've been trying this,, and honestly it isnt working at all. Today started as a good, no GREAT day, i woke up and had breakfast and got a great parking spot at school, my favorite parking spot. I even felt good as i walked to my car. But then i wrecked for the first time in my life, and i was completely my fault. Just like everything else, i'll never get any better at driving, i'll never get better at anything. I'm slightly good at most things but not good at any one thing. I dont even know what i like, or what i want to do with my life. I just want to stop feeling, stop going places. Dying young seems like it is the path i was meant to go on, i mean, i'm constantly miserable, i find nothing that makes me happy, and i try almost anything to make me happy but nothing does. I'd be no help to people so why go on? I'm a burden to my parents, and a burden to everyone looking at my horribly shaped, 6ft 2 female body. I cant find a reason anymore, i dont want a reason, i just want to stop feeling everything and escape this hell hole for once.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun we all have had car accidents hun the roads are crazy these days. You said you started off happy that is good but then got sad as day went on.
    That seem to tell me you need some help some medciation maybe to keep your depression from taking over Have you talked to your doc about that it might be something that wouldhelp you alot. hugs to you
     
  3. morganne1993

    morganne1993 New Member

    parents wont let me go to a doctor/therapist. says it cost too much, i've tried
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Is there a councillor at your school then hun you can talk to or a teacher you trust They can be very helpful also hun ask you councillor at school if there is any community based programs that are free that could help you. hugs
     
  5. morganne1993

    morganne1993 New Member

    i live in nebraska where people have the "never show youre sad, fix yourself" attitude, and teachers dont really like to be bothered, especially by me. The counselor is more of a person that gets you set up to college and really outside of that she is a complete downer, i've tried talking to her and it either goes back to "fix yourself" or she says i'm not smart enough to go to college or have a dream like that so, i'm really confused right now and that just adds to the stress, and there are no community based programs of any sort(i live in a town of about 1000). I'm trying to see if i can go to boys town but i'm not sure if it costs money, it says they're non-profit but i'm not sure.
     
  6. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    hello Morganne,

    Sometimes life is just like a sailboat caught in a storm. You keep on going until you find a safe harbor and there not much choice then carry on your own resources for a while. Thankfully, these days, there is the net which offers a whack of free possibilities like this forum, which people of my geological age (by your standard) could not even dream of. Now why keeping on going? Because there is a whole lot of stuff in your future you have maybe not experienced yet which makes it worth living through the bad stuff: great friendships, meaningful work, children of your own etc...But also because on a daily basis, even in the worst times, there is all those little things like a glass of cold milk, like the changes of the season, like the smell of bacon...Learning to be happy is in part getting our mind out of the gutter, forget about what should be, and make the best of what is. Let say you decided that what you crave for is a pizza, but you got nothing in the fridge to make one and there is no pizzeria in town. You got two choices, 1) being miserable because for the near future pizza is not an option or 2) forget about the pizza, look around in the kitchen and find there is all the stuff to make a great mac&cheese.

    You got plenty of time to find what you want to do in life, but hun, for that you need to give yourself what it takes to make it through another day, then another one, then another until you get there. As for you body, a whack of women would give their soul to be your height but that is not the main point. We are taught to focus so much on what it looks like, rather than inhabiting it, enjoying all its capacity for movement, dancing, walking, stretching..., for sensations like seeing, touching, smelling...You know, I often take the time to observe my dog Luath. She is not much into fashion magazines. She is pretty much oblivious about her appearance. But its obvious that what she does care about is having fun running, jumping, rolling in the dirt, chewing my rugs...all in all exploring all the wonderful gifts that comes with an animal body. So if I would dare suggest it, today, do something you like, take a walk, dance in the living room, and focus on your body from the inside. At first it will seem strange because we are trained to take for granted all those amazing things it does. No matter what people think of what you look like (or even yourself for that matter), nobody but yourself can take away from you the pleasure of tasting good food, of waking up in a warm bed, of walking a forest trail. I wish you a good day hun.
     
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