4 years ago I tried to kill myself. I messed up, and was in hospital for 3 months recovering from my severe injuries. I was suprised and touched how well I was treated by the staff. For some bizzare reason (and I honestly do not know to this day know why) I have found myself, some 4 years later still thinking about one of the staff in particular, a physiotherapist. I only had her for a day and yet, she has left a lasting impression... I went to a different hopsital and she was there at the different one always stared at me and made me uncomfortable even my mother commented "Tony, do you know that girl? She keeps looking at you". I cant stop thinking about her. Actually, that would imply I had a choice...she just pops up all the time with no explanation or reason. If i see a person being injured I worry that she has to deal with that stress. If I see issues about poor job opportunitiy, I worry that she is out of a job. If I something I am ashamed of, I worry what she would think of me. Now I know a lot of you are reading this and thinking "schoolboy crush." I DONT WANT to think about her, I really don't because its too painful. I don't fantasise about her in a physical/sexual manner and I really, honestly cannot see myself indulging in a relationship with this woman. Its not for any reason, I just cannot see it happening. Its torture...it really is. I do not: 1) see myself in a relationship 2) want a relationship 3) want to be married to her 4) see her as the one true person who really understands me and can forgive me for my sins So why does she keep haunting me like this? Why is it just her? Why not everyone else? Why wont she go away? Her presence reminds me of this very unhappy and turbulent time in my life. A friend suggested that I try and find her...and have a "chance meeting" with her, and see how things progress in order to allow me to move on. Im sorry if you have read this and thought it was nonsense or melodramatic.