I'm a Christian, I love Christ with all I got. Everyday I read about Christian stuff or listen to Christian stuff, my relationship with Christ is very strong. However, my "earth" life, is hard to bare. I realise that I'm more blessed then others, I live in middle class Canada, my parents are together and I have a dog who can put a rare smile on my face. But mentally, I struggle. I was abused when I was a eight-years-old, and suffered slight brain damage, so I'm already at a disadvantage. Nowadays, I'm extremely lonley, my sister - whom I loathe - is always out with friends, my mother is rarely around and my father works from 5 AM to 7 PM and usually falls asleep around 9 PM. I have no friends, and I mean zero friends; I'm not some whiny kid who has just a few friends, some fastidious kid who doesn't have the friends he/she wants or some spoiled brat who is in a fight with the majority of his/her friends, I mean I have zero friends. I don't go to school, I don't have a job (I'm 17 by the way) I don't socialize at all - due to my aneixty disorder in an obviouly large way - infact this forum is my only community. Every night I go to bed upset and every morning I wake up distraught. Horrible thoughts go through my head daily - urges some of the time - of sex, violence, ect. The only think I look forward to is death. So that brings me to my main point, a question: Why do I have to stay? I've accepted Christ as my savior, so why can't I kill myself tonight and join him in Heaven?