why do i let this happen?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by vbuk, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i am always always letting other people affect how i feel. work is so hard right now and im as low as ever cos of other people. i know it is my fault - im not blaming anyone. im the one letting it affect me this badly - i shouldnt be. but i just cant help it. its the same old story. keep getting so mad at myself. the past 2 days have been horrible. been so so depressed and i hate it. i wanna be as happy as i was on saturday. or at least somewhere close.

    i keep crying alot. dont want to eat. my boss seemed to get mad at me (he never does) cos i wouldnt go for lunch. i just didnt wanna be on my own and didnt wanna eat. just wanted to work through it.

    work is so different now. i feel all alone there - excluded from what was a very tight strong team. the new people have come in and im on the outside looking in at them. seeing a new team forming. i just dont feel important there anymore. my jobs are being taken away from me. im going to end up not having any purpose. any reason. it has been 2 days since my holiday now. i go back and it is all change. my jobs gone. a new bond formed that im not included in anymore. the 2 new people get on great. im getting so lonely there now. but i love my job - i love it to bits. i hate this feeling of emptiness. ive been thinking about alot of methods. thinking of ways to get rid of this torment. think i have a few ideas of the best way now. my job, my family, sf and my friends keep me going. the list grows shorter. there is barely any future i can see. im so so cold and so weak. and im really scared i get bullied out of work.

    sorry for ranting so much.

    Clare x
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: Clare

    Here if you want to talk x
     
  3. :hug: I'm here for you as well, Clare.
    I know things are hard right now, and understandably so, but you can pull through all of this. You're such a strong woman, with so much to offer, and you will get through this with the help of others. Lean on us right now, and let us help you through this. Please try to take care of yourself and be safe. You know where I am if you ever wanna talk about things hun. xx
     
  4. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    work can be a pain. i know this firsthand. you have a lot to live for and look forward to. friends sf familty, work- these are all greeat things to fight for. it'll get better, i promise you it will. it may take a lil time, but it will get better. you know where i am at. anytime you need to talk i'm here hun.
    take care and stay safe. *hug
     
  5. :hug: Clare, i'm sorry you feel this way honey, i'm always here if you need to talk, rant or whatever, things will get better, i know everyone says it, but i mean it, even if it it's the only thing to keep you going, the hope of it getting better, sometimes that's all you have. Here if you need me, take care and stay safe xxx