So I fell in love again. And I feel awful. Not when I see her, or when we're chatting - in these times I feel really great. But when I'm alone and then stop to think about what I'm doing, I have a big desire of dying. Everytime we're together, I act like the complete idiot I really am. I'm really afraid I'm making her hate me. This is bringing such awful moments to me. Last Saturday, I played a little with a knife. Didn't cut myself, but I was really close. It was a chat with a friend that stopped me. But I still feeling awful. Made a song to her (thinking it could change the image she probably have of me) and sent it, yesterday. She neither answered, nor said anything else. I'm really afraid. I really, really love this girl, and I don't know what to do. The desires of death or of disappear came back really strong.