I'm almost 35 and a total loser. There is no point to my life. I don't have the guts to commit suicide, so I spend a lot of time thinking of the various ways my life could end and frustrated that that day isn't here yet. I hate my life and I always have. There are moments of happiness, but overall my life has always been miserable and I don't know what could happen that would generate an interest in me continuing to live. Sometimes I want to go out and do things, but I don't even like the few friends I have, so I stay home and wait until the next day comes. I look back at the different paths my life could have taken and I get mad at myself for not making better choices (mostly financial). Things seem to come so easily for other people. Not for me. I'm broke, in a dead end job barely scraping by. My parents are both dead, and the family I do have tries so hard to help me, but nothing seems to be working. (They don't know I'm suicidal). I feel so bad for them; they're trying so hard but I'm a hopeless case and if they're smart, they'll just back off and let me do my own thing. I'm beyond help. I just want my life to end. I hate that I'm still alive and I hate my parents for having me. I wish my mom had aborted me while she had the chance, but it's 35 years later and I'm still here. I can't believe this is my life. I want out.