Why do i still love him?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Cammy, Aug 31, 2016.

  1. Cammy

    Cammy Gamer Girl

    four years ago i was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship i don't like to talk much about it but i suppose its the only way to heal so here it goes the first year of our relationship were perfect he would cuddle, kiss me and tell me that he loved me and i know he meant it but i got into high-school and he got fired from his job at the mall and that's when things started to go downhill he was angry all the time if i looked at him the wrong way he would beat me and tell me it was my fault. then we started to have intercourse which was interesting but if i ever said no he would beat me and call me names such as Wh*** and Sl** and he would invite his friends over and all but one would have there turn with me and that went on for 1 year till his friend had enough of it he help me realize that i don't need him to survive and helped me get out of the relationship a few months after that i found out that my abusive ex had um he isnt around anymore and well he blamed me for it but i cant help but miss him i would even say i still love him i just i dont know why shouldnt i hate him?
     
  2. Piexes

    Piexes Well-Known Member

    These are extremely complex and intense things that you have experienced, so your feelings about yourself and him will be very complex. To have been with him for a year, in a seemingly loving way- before it was flipped completely into severe abuse, as a teenager to top it all off, when you are still learning about what love and sex and relationships are. Reading about what he did makes me so angry, so enraged, for you and all women who are treated this way. In time you will probably feel anger, and hate, and it is important that none of that hate be directed at yourself. I know you probably know this- but his actions, his choices, are his alone, and what he and his friends did to you is in no way your fault.
     
  3. Cammy

    Cammy Gamer Girl

    @lillium thank you for compassion and your in put it helps
     
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    @Cammy Have you heard of Stockholm Syndrome?
     
    GameADDict likes this.
  5. Cammy

    Cammy Gamer Girl

  6. abbshoney

    abbshoney Member

    i never knew why i was still in love with my abusive ex, i just thought something was wrong with me. i'm so glad i saw this and can finally put a name to the way i feel. now just trying to figure out how to not feel this way