My brother. I always brag about how my brother is on the varsity football team. How successful he is. How much I look up to him. At home, I do this too. I always try to be part of his life. I want to be included when he does things. He sexually abused me for three years. I don't want to get into detail, and I'm sure that you as a reader don't want me to get into detail, but what I will say is I am still a virgin. Everything else, done. It started out with just him. Then his best friend joined in. And I began hating myself whenever they would sneak into my room at night doing unmentionable things, but at the same time, I didn't want it to stop. I loved the attention from my brother and his friend. I loved the fact that I wasn't ignored anymore. That whenever his friend was over, I would be included at some point of that night. It's been a year since he's stopped. He has a girlfriend now, who he's been with for a year and four months. Do the math. He was sexually abusing me for the first four months of his relationship. No one knows. I've told a few trusted friends about what his friend did, but never my brother. I couldn't stand what people would think of me if it ever got out. I couldn't stand my brother losing his status at school. I hate myself when I think back on it, but when I don't think back on it, I couldn't be more happy doing small favors for him and all his friends. (not weird pleasures, more like making them food or getting stuff for them) I know it's my fault. It I was normal it wouldn't have happened. If I was normal I would be normal. But he's made me corrupt. I am scared of who I am now. I don't know who I am attracted to in terms of gender, I don't know who I can trust, I'm weirder than most kids, I can't even look at myself sometimes in the mirror. So I'm just wondering.. why?