Why do I still love you?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Zueri, Mar 12, 2007.

  1. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    Dear Daddie,

    I've been going over everything you've done to me in the past...And it all seems VERY irrational.

    I do everything I can for you, yet it's still not enough to earn a compliment in your eyes...I wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I really do. I wish you would tell me. I don't understand anymore.
    I've come to care about you so much...I feel all your pains...and I truly wish things were going better for you. I know you're having a hard time at work. I know Rojit is driving you mad. I know all about the legal issues! I do! I understand them, too! I'm not your little five year old naive girl who doesn't understand how "balance" could possibly be a financial term! I know now! I know!

    I wish I could do something to make it better, but unfortunately I can't. Mind control isn't within my power. I just wish you understood how much I cared...but you obviously don't.

    I hope you'll forgive me for what I'm doing...I know I've been slacking lately...I still try though! I try to be the perfect daughter...But I fail. I apologize for not doing YOUR laundry, but I'm busy keeping MYSELF alive at the moment. I hope you understand.

    So here's everything I'll never be able to say to you...put in a nice little bulleted list.

    ~I'm suicidal.
    ~I see things.
    ~I'm empathic.
    ~It hurts when you call be a bitch.
    ~It hurts when you call me manipulative.
    ~It hurts when you call me wicked.
    ~It hurts to know that I'll never be good enough for you.
    ~No matter what I do, I know I'll never be able to make you happy.
    ~I really wish you wouldn't yell so much.
    ~I really wish you wouldn't threaten to leave.
    ~I really wish you wouldn't threaten to beat me.
    ~It hurts when you call me wasteful for buying you a present. I was only trying to be nice.
    ~It hurts when you accuse me of false flattery.
    ~Grandpa was right in everything he said. I am a failure and you are cruel.
    ~I drink...Oh yes...you know that. But you don't know how much.
    ~I've attempted suicide because of YOU! Yes, YOU!

    I hate my life. I hate me. My grades are falling and I know it's my fault. Yes, I admit. And I'll take all the blame for everything, including mom's death. I just want you to be happy. Get the picture?!

    And after all you've done to be, after all the times you've yelled at me, after all the times you've threatened me, after all the times you've beaten me...I STILL LOVE YOU! I must be crazy.

    Always yours,